Update since last post -- Friday -- Got dresssed for the concert (looked good too). W decided to take the kids to see a movie instead of the other activity (wait for me). Before leaving, W said she wished I was going with them, that we were better. She hugged me, I made an impulsive ILY statement. Fortunately, she responded with the same ILY as well. Had a great time at the concert. Saturday -- W initiated R talk. Several ways that she realizes she has done wrong. How she has been hurt by OM (not real specific details --didn't want it). How she realizes how good I am and misses me and a lot of good stuff. We have a good day with the kids and what not. Later that night, we sit down to watch a movie. I see her texting. I get up and leave. She pursues, apologizes, asks me to come back. I do. Sunday -- W very pleasant and nice. I clean the carpets (still trying to potty train the puppy), she ends up going to her room. Not a nap, as she came down about an hour later sobbing confessing how depressed she is and bad thoughts that she has had. Stabilize her. We all go to a bookstore. We all have fun together. Except now D11 is evidently freaking out and not wanting us to work things out ??? And yes, W had said she wants to eventually try to work things out. We briefly discuss having wants / needs from each other for a better relationship. Later on that night before bedtime, she thanks me for a good day / w/e. I mentioned the "need" thing. I say I "need" her to help fix me (related to a song); and she closes her FB page where OM's family is there. I tell her, I want us to be FB friends again and that she eventually have to "clean up her page," get rid of OM and family. Like she did to me and my family. She reacts, shutdowns, blah blah. I think I poked the turtle and made her go back into her shell. We did each fortunately apologize via text before going to sleep. This morning, I get ready to leave for work (she and the kids are off), and she invites me into her bed and we snuggle /cuddle for a few minutes with lighthearted talk (more apologies, hope that things can work, but she doesn't want to get my hopes up to hurt me, that touching each other doesn't feel normal).
So that's where I have been / am at. Confusion stage of piecing??? Not sure, any more guidance in maneuvering / responding to W and now D11 would be appreciated.
I don't think that you are quite at piecing afa. Be careful here. She could still withdraw, and could still go back to OM. I hope that it doesn't happen to you, but it did to me... more than once.
My advice is to continue doing what you are doing. I would still be doing more listening than talking. She is not quite there yet, but seems to be moving in the right direction.
Let her know what you need from her if and when the time comes that she is ready to commit to working on the M. Communicate that to her, but don't argue with her about it. She will have doubts, fears, and concerns about doing some of those things, such as cleaning up her FB page. You state your position on it and then just listen to her.
Listening doesn't equate to giving in on the issue.
Same thing with your D. You need to listen to her when she expresses her feelings. Personally, I don't think that she should be brought into the situation until and unless you and your W have made the decision to commit to working on the M. When and if that time comes, then you sit down with her and explain it to her.
Have you thought about a child psychologist? There may be stuff going on here that you don't know about. Something worth considering.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
