Going home

[needgrace]

Thank you SS for your kind words and tbh I am actually starting to believe them

Thank you Cadet for your advice. As always your words are golden.

Bug and Busting, you are two of my rocks. Thank you.

JOURNAL

After a few tough days, the sun is starting to shine again and it is shining much brighter than before the D papers. I think there is a relief in being out of the limbo. It may not be the answer i wanted, but it is an answer and it allows me to regroup and move forward mentally..

I am detaching more and more... peeling off the layers, and finding more confidence in who i am each day. i have decided that i am a person very worth knowing and loving and if W can not see that... then that is on her..

i am also being honest with myself about my issues in the M.. and learning more each day. i realized that i was attracted to her due to a feeling of safety.. and that i allowed that feeling of safety to hold me back from taking emotional risks.. and that impacted our intimacy. i wish we could have worked through those issues and hers as well... but that is not in my control and will have to wait until my next R.

W texted me last week asking about her going ahead with scheduling the demo and picking up the white subway tile for the investment condo shower that needs to be done.. i texted back "Sure. go ahead."

Then I got this in an email from W, "If you want to shop together for the tile I am fine with that to. I just didn't know if you want to see me or not."

Now, white subway tile IS white subway tile... nothing to really pick out there. I thought that was a strange email. As SD says, isn't that interesting?

I responded, "Whatever you wish. If I can be helpful, let me know. Have a great weekend."

I am not playing a game or seeking a reaction in saying the above... I am detaching...

It is funny... the turning point was a visit to my hairstylist (best therapy i have had recently!)... we were talking about meditation and social responsibility and how we treat others.. and i was keenly aware that there are good healthy people in the world and possibilities to enjoy my life and all my Rs