BUt I asked (in non-DBing style) if as he was leaving if he could just give me some words of HOPE.
Well, asking him that as he was walking out the door was just setting yourself up for an answer you didn't want to hear! Any time you feel inclined to ask again, just remember what he said because you'll hear it or something similar again. Hopefully that'll give you incentive not to ask.
Originally Posted By: turtlegirl
I figure if H is over often I can have more impact on him w MY interactions w him.
Remember, he needs to miss you at some point. If he feels he can come and go as he pleases, he'll never miss you. He'll take you for granted.
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I guess I"d better set parameters early on so he doesn't just walk all over me.
I would do that. Things like telling him he can't just walk in anytime he wants anymore. If he comes over he needs to knock on the door. He needs to coordinate with you in advance and not just show up on the doorstep. You need to keep him from cake-eating, his inclination is going to be to push into a new R with OW while also trying to keep the old R going with you.
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Well, he comes over this morning and says he doesn't think he will be coming over in am's after all--not really any purpose (after he laid out all kinds of reasons yesterday).
Fine, now hold him to it. If he changes his mind again and tells you he "decided" he's going to come over every morning, then tell him you'll have to think about it. Coming over is NOT his decision to make, it's yours. He can ask you, but not tell you.
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He went to hug me as he has been when we leave each other and I pulled away first and the hug was not my usual "I really care about you hug." He chuckled and then said, "Your hugs are getting colder. That's all right. I deserve that, I guess."
I'm glad he's taking this so seriously (not). I suggest you take a break from the hugs. He's either doing it out of pity for you or because he wants to cake-eat, either way it doesn't serve you well.
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I know I'm reading way too much into this, but I know our interactions are going to be much more limited now and I want to send the message that I still care, but you've hurt me and now things are going to be different until/unless you decide to move back (& leave OW).
That is EXACTLY the message you want to send. You and he are no longer together, and you are moving on with your life whether it includes him or not. That's why I suggested the above boundaries, start giving him the impression that he can't just assume you're always there for him anymore.
