You have to set some boundaries or she will walk all over you and lose respect for you. Will you accept an affair on the bases she may not seek D? This is up to you. Personally, I would tell my wife that dating other men while married to me will not be tolerated. If she has an affair and refused to end it, I would then cut off all the benefits I could of being my wife. I would not allow her to come and go in our house as she pleases. Set up a schedule or call first. She chose to leave you and move into her own place, remember? I would not seek a D though… Just sit back and see what happens for a while.
It’s funny how often the grass isn’t always greener on the other side after all.
Thats what i figured, set some boundries. I told her she has a month to think about it as she is moving out in a month (she has to find an apartment). I won't budge from my stance. Financilly, i setup my own accounts and have my money going into it now.
In our last discussion i made some good points. I said, look at what you are willing to sacrifice (kids lives, our marriage, relationships with her Dad/Mom, financial security, etc) for this guy but yet this guy won't even consider moving up to be with his "true love". He loses nothing and you lose everything. Told her, that is the most lopsided love i seen. If i was in that guys place and I knew i was going to ruin so many lives to be with a women, i better damn well make sure i take care of this women. That made her think really hard if the grass is greener on the other side. I know i made mistakes, but I am already changing for the better for myself.
I need to be careful how i approach the custody of the kids its like a chess game because even though the DB/DR techniques are good, people's behavior are slightly different. I have to know if the things i am doing are going to hurt or make things better.
For example, she told me she wants more attention, which kind of goes against some of things people are saying. Lately i been paying alot more attention and i notice her attitude is changing for the better. But I been told, its best to not initate contact or show her how intersted you are, but its the totally reverse.
In the Custody issue, she tells me if i cut the kids off, it will push her away. I am deciding if that is because she wants her cake and eat it or she is giving me an honest answer on how I can make it better between us. If she was cold and mean, it would be an easy decision but right now, she is showing me kindness (just not the loving kindness i want). The kindness is consistant. If it was consistant, i would say she is playing more games...
I hope in a month and half, my DB/180's will pay off to maybe have her change her mind about moving out or make it short term.
