If you think freaking out on your h will bring him back, go ahead and try it, however, I can guarantee you that he'll get a restraining order and will run even faster in the other direction. You would be providing him w/even more justification as to why he left you.
You are not doing anything wrong here...it takes time and more time and patience and more patience to work through a crisis.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
