About to separate....

[dorightman]

I'am so embarrassed to post this, but i fell off the wagon AGAIN!!! I need help detaching and i need help to stop snooping. I always get myself in trouble with both of these behavior patterns.
Once again, I found a note my wife wrote after talking to her friends. She wrote that she needs to stay strong, stick to her boundaries,see a lawyer for her rights, not back down, stay in therapy, she feels guilty like she's destroying me, she wants it all to be copacetic, it's about her not feeling guilty, guilt is making it worse, she needs to not allow me to make her feel guilty, she needs to be clear and not allow fear and confusion to fog the divorce.
The friend told her I'm trying to change her mind and punish her. She told my w I'm nuts and in shock and ungrounded, hurt, scared, angry, clinging, grieving, dramatic, manic depressive, should be on meds
She told w she will meet another man soon!
This morning I told her all this stuff without leading onto the fact that I read her notes, and she freaked out!
I wish I hadn't done that, but I feel like after more than two months, nothing has changed and she keeps getting support from these bitter divorced friends.
I know I messed up again. And I'm afraid that I keep messing up and she doesn't have any faith in me whatsoever anymore, but at the same time I feel like she's just stubbornly manipulating me until she gets what she wants, a divorce.
I keep saying to her,myself and my friends that I will give her space, thats what she wants and needs, and I'am unable to control my emotions while living with her.
I can't keep my trap shut and I feel like I'm digging myself into a hole that just keeps getting deeper and deeper.
I need a DB coach with me 24/7!