I got a lot of great feedback on that thread and feel that thread probably represents the biggest step forward for me as far as personal growth goes.
So now, it's on to a new thread... and what I'm sure will be yet another chapter in this strange saga.
And I'll just go ahead and start this thread with a little journaling... reflecting the Monday blues I'm growing accustomed to!
As this weekend I was conserving money (trying to move to a new place soon) I spent almost the entire weekend at home... just me and the puppy. During the weekend, although I was alone, I didn't really feel all that lonely... I made sure to keep myself as busy as I could, renting a couple movies, cleaning up around the house, hitting the gym and walking the doggie... Sunday I met up with some friends for a couple drinks while we were watching the games...
But last night, around 3 in the morning or so, I suddenly woke from my slumber and felt almost overwhelmed by a sense of loneliness... Despite my best efforts to GAL and keep busy... this sense of loneliness seems to be creeping in a lot more now...
And then, of course, it gets me thinking about the sitch... about how it's been a month since W and I last spoke... and that conversation was SO huge... but I'm not sure it helped much as far as the sitch goes... (It certainly helped MY attitude and got me to start moving forward a little better)...
So that sense of loneliness is still hanging around... that "I wish W would reach out" voice is louder today than I like... and despite my best efforts, I can't help but think her birthday is but a week away, and even if my heart tells me that I should reach out... my brain (and all of your brains) tells me that's not a good idea.
I'm sure I'll get through this... just like I get through all these little ruts... but I just had to whine a bit today!
Hi AT. It seems to me, (I read All of your previous threads yesterday), that you finally are not down in the dumps following a weekend.
Signs of progress i hope. :-)
I think i may start taking my dog for some walks too. It seems to have helped you out.
You certainly are blessed that you have so many forum friends cheering you on and providing advice, even if in disagreement on a few occasions. Good food for thought.
I will check in later to stay up to date with your sitch.
Keep the PMA going.
Ed
Me, 55 W, 36 T, 10 yrs S-9 M, 8 yrs 1st D-Day, 9-27-2009, With 1st bf, ea/pa 2nd D-Day, 12-5-2009, With her best friends bf, ea/pa W, AA relapse early 2009-Current W moved out 2-16-2012 New OM 5-2012
And then, of course, it gets me thinking about the sitch... about how it's been a month since W and I last spoke... and that conversation was SO huge... but I'm not sure it helped much as far as the sitch goes... (It certainly helped MY attitude and got me to start moving forward a little better)...
So that sense of loneliness is still hanging around... that "I wish W would reach out" voice is louder today than I like... and despite my best efforts, I can't help but think her birthday is but a week away, and even if my heart tells me that I should reach out... my brain (and all of your brains) tells me that's not a good idea.
Hang in there mate. As you said, it's only been a month and although I know that in LBS time that seems like a least a year, in WAS time it's not all that long. Give her time. You've done all you had to do, now she needs to churn it.
Have a nice week.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I can relate to the moments of loneliness. So well. I think its one of the LBS's biggest challenges. I think you are doing great though and you have done nothing but move forward.
Keep it up AT. We believe in you.
(((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
As the day goes on, I'm realizing that I'm actually lucky to only be weighed down by loneliness these days... the indecision that haunted me for so long has faded... I know that, at the very least, W knows where I stand and the ball is firmly in her court, and I'm sure this loneliness is just temporary...
I miss my W, but I'm glad I'm in a better place today than I was a few months ago...
Thanks Chatter... your clarity is always refreshing when my brain is a little "floaty".
And it's still a little floaty today, as W is running through my head like an annoyingly catchy pop song... I'm not sure what brought it on, but it's fine... Just another morning of wondering if I'm on the right path or could be doing something different...
Well I'll just dive deep into work now and revisit this later if necessary!
It most certainly is perfect weather down here... very much makes me want to be outside all day... curse this whole "work" thing!
And Rubytuesday: Maybe it is the "November Blues"... but I'm going to put my money on the natural ebb and flow of these types of things...
I'm going through a tougher time these last few days, with W occupying my mind quite a bit... But it's giving me some time to really analyze these thoughts and feelings with a new perspective... One which realizes that I can learn new things during these times as well...
There's still that voice saying I should try something new... that whole "Do what works" mentality... But again, I need to see that from different perspectives... For the most part, what I'm doing now is working FOR ME, as far as my PMA and growth as a person... and while I've seen absolutely no movement on the "sitch"... I have to keep remembering that PATIENCE is a key virtue there... after all, what's a month or two of silence in the grand scheme of things... especially if it helps me grow as a person?
