Not sure how to summarize this quickly, LOL! BD was not quite 5 months ago, typical WAS story. W not happy, hasn't been for quite a while, not willing to work on the M, ready to leave. We did go to MC for about half a dozen sessions and the C did work on getting W to come around, but W just kept saying she didn't "want to try". I opened the cage door and told W I didn't want her to leave, but if she felt like that was what would make her happy then I would fully support her in that decision.
And leave she did, just under 2 months ago. She rented a house about 5 minutes away. Since then I don't ever initiate calls, emails or texts. If she does then I reply. We continue to do a lot of kid activities together. We're getting along quite well platonically. There have been no relationship talks at all in over 2 months. Hugs are rare, kisses nonexistent. Baby steps very small, very few and very far between. W has indicated she may be getting hot flashes, so perimenopause is quite possible. W is still not involved with anyone and doesn't appear to be looking.
There is no formal S agreements in our state, so we informally agreed to 50-50 custody of the kids on a week on week off basis. W continues to find reasons to come to my house when I have the kids, seems to be really interested in spending as much "family time" as possible.
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Not much to report since the last update a week ago. No progress, no baby steps, no movement at all. But things haven't gotten worse either, so it's not necessarily a bad thing.
This isn't really a baby step, but I thought it was unusual enough to mention. W and I were waiting to watch D15 at a halftime drill performance and D15's BF's mom came up to say hello. I had not met her before, so my W introduced us, said "this is my husband 'name'". It just sounded so weird to hear her introduce me as her husband, I think that's the first time I've heard her call me her husband since before BD.
We were also trying to coordinate where the kids were going over the weekend and she said "we'll go back to our house first" and I said (thinking she meant her house) "OK, so then are you coming to my house afterwards?" and she said "no I mean, our house, I mean your house." Granted it is still half her house, but since S she has been referring to the houses as "my house" and "your house". It doesn't really mean anything, but there's so little movement these days that it's about all I have to talk about, LOL!
In the last thread a few of us discussed our low energy spouses and our concerns that if we wait for them to show interest in reconciliation that it may never happen because they never take the initiative on anything. I decided I would "test the waters" by sending some physical touch signals W's way and seeing how she responds. I started about a week ago, just little stuff like touching her shoulder, arm or back. She didn't respond positively or negatively which was pretty much normal pre-BD behavior. We went to lunch yesterday with the kids and sat in a booth, my son sat next to me and I had my arm on the back of the bench. For some reason W and son switched places and W slid right up against me. I reached up and rubbed her neck briefly. We ate and after dinner I scratched her back and rubbed her neck some more. Pre-BD she would have moaned while getting a back rub (even in public) and then thanked me afterwards, but instead I got a curt "that's enough" in reply. That was the end of that! She was not rude or anything afterwards, still seemed happy to be around me. But clearly she's not ready for more than just a quick touch.
I'll post again in a few to catch up with posts from the last thread that I didn't get to respond to before it was locked.
