She likes the letter but says it won't work and that she won't take it serious enough even if I stick to my guns. She feels W will call my bluff and I would never file for divorce. ....
but Denver even you were ready to file and be done before your wife finally came home, same with my best friend. Maybe it's my impatience that feels I should go this route even though my da%$ heart just wants to try to keep these last two weeks going for awhile.
I'm not suggesting that your statement to your W about the boundary be meant to communicate anything other than, 'I will not be in your life as long as any OM is." It isn't meant to say, 'I'm going to D you if you don't stop the A.'
You are telling her to go do her thing. Live her life. Follow her path. BUT, without you. That doesn't mean that you are going to file for a D in a week, 2 weeks, even 6 months, if she doesn't end the A. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING RIGHT NOW.
So there is no bluff to call. You are simply removing yourself from the equation.
That's it. Nothing more.
Yes. Eventually I did reach a point where I was DONE. A point where even having and enforcing my boundary was not enough for me. I was indeed prepared to file for a D. It took a very long time to get to that point though BD. The thing is, you should not even mention a D until you are SURE that you are prepared and willing to follow through. Where it is not a tactic to get her to end the A. Where it is truly what you are ready to do.
THAT ^^ is territory where you risk having your bluff called (if it is one).
I'm saying that you need to try setting and enforcing a boundary and letting things be for a while. To let your W do what she needs to do to figure out what she wants for her life. She doesn't want to end her A, but she obviously isn't rushing to file for a D. The problem is that you are letting her straddle the fence. And as long as she is COMFORTABLE, she won't feel the need to pick one side or the other.
Removing one side of the fence, ie, you, may be what she needs to BEGIN thinking about what she really wants.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
