MKB, I just caught up, so my response is going to be a little distant from the original post, sorry.
Regarding your H picking up your kids, I think for now, for your and your kids' peace of mind, just assume that he is NOT going to pick them up and plan a GAL for you and your kids. They do not need to be sitting there waiting for him to show, only to be disappointed when he doesn't. You can do the same thing for them that you need to do for yourself - GAL. It will help them not miss him as much too, just like it can do for you. They need to begin this process, too, and you need to walk them through it by example.
As for his visitation, you can simply tell them that 95% of the time, if their father wants to come and get them, you will be completely accommodating. But you don't need to sit at the house and wait for him; he can come to meet you wherever you are. The rare exception would be if you have plans that can't change (ie. movie tickets already purchased, other people involved in plans) or simply really don't want to change (ie. something you're really invested in or something special you've been planning.) That way, you're not interfering with his visitation but making it as healthy as possible for all of you.
Sadly, even with a custody schedule drawn up by the courts, he still won't necessarily follow it.
