Doesn't quite fit in any category covered in here

[AnotherStander]

She doesn't seem to want to talk about her feelings at all. She does talk about general stuff like what our kid is doing or whatever. Should I keep trying or not?

The only thing you should be "trying" to do is to be a fantastic listener. Do not pressure her into talking about her feelings, but if she does go there then you listen and validate. That's it. Make eye contact, nod, lean forward, repeat back key thoughts. You talk just enough to validate and let her know you're listening. If all she wants to talk about is light and fluffy stuff then that's cool too.

Why shouldn't I at least have my wife read the first chapter of DR? It highlights the reasons to stay married.

I tried exactly that with my W. I found the first chapter online and sent it to her in an email. I'm sure she read it, but she never said a word about it. It didn't change a thing. I don't think getting WAS's to read anything really works well unless they get to the point where they're considering reconciliation.

I hear that I just need to GAL. It is very difficult at the moment. I have a job, I lift weights, I am attending School, I fish with my son, I just went to Vegas, I went to my friends birthday bash at a pub on Friday night. -Seems like I have a life. I am quite busy.

I'm surprised you say it's difficult, because it sounds like you're doing it already The idea of GAL is just to live your own life without your W. Take your mind off of W. Do things for you and your own enjoyment. Sounds like the above activities fit the bill quite well.

This morning she confided in me that she is beating herself up, and that its not fair that I want her and she is "supposed" to not proceed with new guy.

This would have been a good time to validate her emotions. She says she's beating herself up, you say "Wow, that sounds really frustrating, is that how you feel, frustrated?" Then if she says yes then you say "Yeah, I can understand why you feel that way." You're not agreeing or disagreeing with anything she said, you're just trying to get her to talk about how she feels and you're validating it. The goal is to make her comfortable talking to you about her feelings. DO NOT try to fix her problems! That's a guy thing, women don't want fixing, they want validation.

Later on we had another chat when she asked me how I was doing, I was sad.

From one of Michele's books:

"successful DBers cherish their spouse and show a great deal of compassion. They almost always keep their pain to themselves... they "act as if" things are normal in their life"

I know you want to be honest with her about your feelings, but this isn't the time for it. Right now you need to act "as if" everything is fine.

I asked her how she was doing, she said ok and then proceeded to say she is not interested in me moving back in or being in a relationship with me, also that she is not interested in any physical relation. I wasn't even asking about these things she was just saying this stuff.

Again, just validate. "I understand why you feel that way and I support your decision." Don't argue, negotiate, explain, etc. Just validate.

Is that good or bad? She was happy about it.

Well then it was good!

So what should I do in couples therapy tomorrow?

Listen. If she brings up reasons she wants out of the M, then make mental notes of those and add them to your 180 list. Try not to talk much, your W will probably perceive any M comments as pressure on her.