Everyone wants to feel accepted for who they are. When we feel accepted and loved we are more likely to return those feelings. I suspect your husband knows how to please you, and if you keep this up you may be in for some surprises.
Remember also to reward positive behavior. Break your old negative cycle and start a new, positive one!
I agree. You're on the right track. Keep it up!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Thank you very much, SS, Regretful, Tumbling, MKB, ForeverYoung and Arsène for dropping by. You've all given me a boost to continue on this path and to accept that H and I go about our lives very differently.
I'm letting go of 'pointing stuff out to him' more and more. Generally, I'm asking him fewer questions. I think I need to start on WOA now. I know that's his LL.
Recent 180s:
-Haven't mentioned that H needs a haircut (he still hasn't done anything about it)
-Didn't mention that H needed to shave after many days of being unshaven (he did eventually).
-Haven't commented on the fact that he's put a wet facecloth on the radiator despite me asking him many times not to as the radiator is rusty and facecloths get stained (I figure that the cost of a facecloth isn't such a big deal and anyway a bit of rust stain isn't the end of the world).
-I'm still making a point of not interrupting him by calling him or by going into his study for things that can wait.
-Haven't made any negative comments about his latest obsession--an IT-related thing that he's trying to figure out. I feel like asking him who he thinks he is that he could figure out how to do something that professional programmers can't do. Since I've known him, he's had loads of 'crazy' ideas that take up lots of his time. I figure it really shouldn't matter to me though whether he's listening to classical music or trying to sort out some IT thing. I can just let him be.
-I handed him a letter that said "Important Notice" in red on it. I didn't query it.
-I passed on a message to say that he was to phone someone. Again, I didn't query it or ask for further details.
We're both in the house quite companionably but no PA at all. At lease, we've not had any arguments/blow-ups in a while and he seems to be hanging around the house more. Yesterday, he had 2 glasses of wine with our supper out but didn't do his normal thing of going out first.
Actually, he's just come up to ask me a question! That's virtually unheard of. He does seem to be quite keen to know what time I'm getting back from things generally and it does make me a bit suspicious. I've usually been the one to ask him when he's getting back but I've stopped. I'm going to a friend's house for supper tonight and he's asked me twice what time I'm back. I finally asked why he needed to know and he said something about scheduling a Skype session--I'm not sure if it's one he's paying for or being paid for. Maybe I should't have asked.
I hope you're right, ForeverYoung, about being in for some nice surprises if I keep this up!
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Nice list of 180s Wendy. How does it feel to let go of these things? Is it liberating or do you feel like you have to make an effort?
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Thank you very much, SD, labug and Tori, for dropping by.
Labug, I followed your suggestion and did a search of Crazyville's thread and got a bit discouraged by the similarities. It seems that CV has been at it for ages. I don't know if I have as much patience as he does. Thank you, Tori, for encouraging me to be patient!
Like Regretful, I've been thinking recently that H just isn't that into me and it's hard to keep going. It is nice that we're not fighting and arguing but he seems perfectly content with us living as friendly housemates. I want more. I doubt that he'll ever be that emotionally available.
Right now, I'm feeling a bit more optimistic that things can continue to improve. I guess I just need to keep DBing. I haven't been doing it for that long.
We were at a ceremony yesterday where D15 was being awarded a prize by the Lady Mayoress for being best sportsperson of the year at her school. It was done with lots of pomp and ceremony at the Guildhall with beautiful singing and music and it was nice to be there with H since he was so proud. One of our main links is the kids. I keep thinking that that has to count for so much. I couldn't have that with anyone else even if that person were more nurturing and more into me (and me into them).
H seems to be so indifferent to me at times. He is at home more though so I wonder whether things with POW have died down (or never really got started).
Earlier today, H got S13 up and ready for school. He then he picked up D15 from piano and dropped her off at netball. Now he's watching football with S17 and will pick D15 up from netball. I love all that but what about him seeming interested in me for more than a few minutes?! I know I'm being a bit whiney. He did come to bed in the early hours of the morning and we talked a bit about the US elections. You would never guess though that we'd ever been sexually intimate. It's just not in our repertoire at all at the moment. I'm 51 and feel it's a bit young to be at this point in my life. Then again, I'd be like this if I were single too. It's really not as if I'm attracted to other men anyway.
I'm rambling and look forward to catching up a bit on others' sitches when I get the chance.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Wendylon, I see how hard it is to be patient...Have you tried the casual touch when you pass by him or when you're talking? You're definitely young to have a healthy sex life, and unless that's what you want, you don't have to settle. It's all about what matters to you.
Think of other things to change, and how to add excitement to your lives. Maybe a day-trip in the near future? A new restaurant? Think about it.
I think Tori might be on to something. Try something casual. See how he responds. Humans are sexual beings. Frankly, the fact that you are even considering or thinking about it is a great sign! It means you are interested in your H!
