Lost and confused

[Soul.Searching]

Thank you Mindfull,I really do appreciate you taking the time to reply. Honestly, I know your probably right but I'm not ready to do that. I have decided that after Christmas and New year I will re-evaluate. Honestly, the holiday season is going to be so hard.


#1. Realize that you are worthy of so much more than you're being given.

That is one thing I have done. Honestly it was so gradual that i didn't even realise how bad things were.

#2. Tell your H that you agree with him... Your marriage isn't working anymore, and, more importantly, the current status quo isn't either

So far we have managed to stay pretty good friends. I know chances are that that won't last very long but for now it is. I seen him today and honestly, it is getting easier.

THEN...

Draft a visitation schedule,

We have a verbal one already. H is to have them every second weekend. His job makes it hard because sometimes he is away. He missed last weekend from being away, so that is why he asked about taking them for dinner tonight.
I know his job is his problem and he should work around it but it will also be my children missing out if I don't allow this. He did ask a day in advance and thanked me numerous times.

Work on interim financial plan,
I have done this but all I am entitled to is about $100.00 a week from H, It's a lot different over here it seems. Makes things very tight.

Tell H that you will only be discussing "important" kid subjects with him, and nothing more...
Once again i know your peobably right but i'm not ready to do this.

STOP engaging, and being engaged by him,
I have minimised this. I'm not always readily available for him but I'm not ready to cut it out completely.
And, move on... Do that Zumba, re-energize your career, focus on healthful activities/thinking, etc...
This i am going to do. The Zumba hasn't been going too well because of time. I've been more focused on cleaning out everything in the house. I'm giving him back anything he has left here and also throwing away a lot. That was really hard at first, each item of H's almost brought me to tears. Today it didn't bother me.

H will sniff around. Who cares? If he were a new suitor, would he be good enough? NOT

You are definitely right there. No way would he even be a consideration. I know now that i will not put up with his s**t any longer.

I would bet money on him having already cheated.

This I'm torn about. I know he did kiss someone else, That hurt like hell but it was something i probably would have been prepared to accept, if it was a one off and he really did regret it. On one hand i think he might have done more but on the other hand, why tell me about a kiss but not the rest?

If you find out, think ahead a bit, is that something forgivable by you?

Forgivable? Yes, I would have to forgive him for my own well being. Would i take him back, probably not. I just honestly don't know that i would be able to get past that.

If so, think about what you're required actions would be for him to make you feel secure, again.

Honestly i really don't know that he could. He would have to totally change back to the H i first started dating. I haven't seen him in so long, I'm not sure he will ever be back. It would take a very long time and a hell of a lot of hard work on his part. I don't see him ever being able to do that, I'm not even sure that i could learn trust him again.

If not, you're a step ahead of the process by having some of the groundwork done already.

Drop. The. Rope.

He has, Honey...


I know. Your right but I'm not quite there yet.