Thanks SunnyBurst for the advice. You have very good suggestions on how to "look" at the situation. I'm doing better. It does help that he's not in the country. I think it will be a little harder when he gets back in town. Knowing he's in town and choosing not to come home, is really hard.
Pretty good. D and I just got back from the spa. Massages and pedicures, ahhhh....I did manage to upset a close friend last night. It's hard for me to hang around her and her H. We used to hang out together, both couples. Now it just doesn't feel right. Plus, when my H is in town, he goes over there a lot. They get to see him, talk to him and hug him. I haven't hugged my H since July.
Ok everybody, I need help. My husband came back to town early. He emailed YD today. Not call, not text...email. We're all in the same town! She did not respond to the email. So, I haven't heard from H in over three weeks. He sent me an email about twenty minutes ago. It says..
I guess YD isn't going to respond to the emails I've sent her. I'm really sorry about that.
Are you going to let me have a key? I would like to pick up a few more things. I would like to get some gloves and my dress coat.
We need to figure out how to move forward with this process. I really want to find a way for us to work together for everyone's best interest.
I know this isn't what you want to hear and I'm sorry. I still hope that we can work together to get through this. H
I don't know what the "process" is, divorce? He has never asked for a divorce. He has never said the word "separated". He has never come home. He hasn't done anything to even try and put our marriage back together.
Well I'd start by asking him what "we need to figure out how to move forward with this process" means. That's not an unreasonable question... but it sounds like he does want some sort of separation between you. Do you know if he is still with OW?
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
I know he's not physically with OW. She is in a different country. Weeks ago he told his best friend that he wasn't with her, it was over. In july, he told me it was over, that was about a week after I found out. Who knows if he has been communicating with her since. He doesn't live at home. He has been traveling on business pretty much constantly.
My only thought on what to do right now is to email him back and say," I would be happy to set up a time for you to come by and pick up the things you need." That's it, nothing more. I wouldn't acknowledge anything else he said. Is that the right thing to do? I haven't done anything yet. I don't know when/if he is leaving on another trip. Last he told me he was going to Munich this month. I'm sure he'll keep asking about getting the coat and gloves. Help please...
Actually I had another thought as well. I could take his coat and gloves and drive them to where he works and just put them in his truck. He hasn't wanted to talk to me in weeks. He's just going to leave in a few days. He'll get what he wants and then shut me out again. I don't know if I can handle seeing him.
I think you should inquire as to what things he needs from the house and have them bagged or boxed up and ready for him to pick them up or arrange a time to drop them off to his place of work. You could also arrange to meet somewhere on neutral ground and give them to him. I would also inquire as to what he wants to discuss because you don't want to get blind sided.
Just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
