Mixed Signals From Walk-Away-Husband

[chatterbug]

Tough love is about setting boundaries and not enabling his poor choices.

The we will remain friends speech is just that. A speech. It is to ease his guilt at his actions by saying. See she agree's I can behave this way towards her and she will still be there for me. That is one of those conversations they say and as long as it sounds like you agree or validate. Then you agree to everything they are doing.

If you had said.

No. You lose me as a lover and as a friend. We will be acquaintances with a shared history and no more.

That would have given him something to think about. Most likely there would have been some crocodile tears and some well wishing tossed in for good measure but it would have been a truth date tossed at him that would have hit home later.

So tough love. If someone says they are removing you from your life. Then you stop meeting their emotional needs. You stop doing their laundry. Stop having sex with them. Stop being intimate with them. Stop being around them.

You explain this to them once. Then you stick to your boundaries.

Let them experience the life they just said to you they want.

And when they drop a few crumbs to see if you nibble.

You stick with your tough love and boundaries.

It is at this moment when they will experience crisis. The crisis you went through when they gave you the speech.

This is where they start to come around and work hard at matching their words with their actions.

Or they just carry on leaving you.

Or you give in and accept crumbs and they carry on with keeping you in a holding pattern.