Separating Inevitable

[littleGTO]

Well, I've almost survived the weekend from HELL..

H moved out yesterday. I kept kids busy & went to see my niece's play and boys & I stayed overnight w them. We thought it would be easier NOT being in the house the first night H left.

It did help...them. So it was worth it. Me-I guess it was better than wallowing in my own sorrow all night. The play was cute and upbeat.

My SIL is, however,wanting me to move on from this "stranger" who used to be my H. She is appalled about this OW and can't believe I've been as nice and tolerant to him as I've been. In fact she was just shy of calling me a "doormat" I'm quite sure.

My BIL wants everyone to stop treating him like he's glass and give him a dose of reality. He too thinks I've been way too nice.

I DO feel like a doormat at times (like I'm just allowed him to communicate w OW for past 4 months & stay at home)and (setting the parameters of this move-out since I don't know what I want). I felt like I was "buying time" for the boys before he moved out yesterday. It was definitely time for him to move out though and evaluate his life--OW or me?! I know neither of us can continue living w him in limbo like this forever.

I have not set very many/any boundaries thus far. But, I'm wondering if I should...not sure what thought.

Interestingly he called us on way home from SIL. Talked to all 3 boys then asked S13 if I wanted to talk to him. I said "No, I'll talk to him when we get home." One-I didn't feel like talking to him and 2) I felt like I need to start not being as "available" to him all the time.

When we got home I said "hello" in a friendly tone (I thought) and he looked right and me and said, "We are still going to keep talking, right?" ME- "Of course." I think he was surprised I didn't talk to him on the phone.

Also, and I didn't know what to think about this...he was planning to visit the boys (at home) every day after school, which he still is...but after one night away from us he asked,"What would you think about me coming to see the boys before school every morning, too?"

I didn't answer right away but later I said I think that would be fine, as long as you are coming every day so the boys won't have to wonder if you are coming or not.

AM I JUST LETTIN HIM HAVE HIS CAKE AND EATING IT TOO, or is this okay b/c it is in the best interests of the kids to see their dad (and for me to see him too) more.

Okay, one last thing. He also said he wondered if I would mind if he just made his lunches every day at home before he went back to his aptmt each evening. (We are still sharing finances and he said he was fine /planning to buy his own groceries). I did buy "stuff" for him to have today when I went grocery shopping. AM I PATHETIC??? OR, just too nice?

SO, WHAT DOES ANYONE SUGGEST FOR BOUNDARIES for me to impose...so that he's not just cake-eating all the time (and he's still talking to OW at work, as a reminder why he' moved out...life w her/ or life w family).