Lisa, Why would you take on ownership of your h's issues? Stop buying and drinking the koolaid that this man is trying to pawn off on you! You aren't makeing him go out there and have affairs. There is something broken within him and he is out there searching for something that he will not ever find or be happy with.
One of the first things you will need to do is set boundaries. Stop the revolving door of allowing this man to return home after he's had an affair. He has no respect for you or your marriage. Until he's willing to do the homework to win you back and prove to you that he can be trusted, he wouldn't be allowed to return to your home. He has to earn your trust, not the other way around.
BTW, be sure you are tested for STD's periodically. It's important that you do that since he's out there sniffing around ow.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
