Arsene, your new thread is already growing! Good approach. However, I agree with MKB and others that it's good to establish some structure in your and your D's lives.
Giving you at least a few hours advanced notice when she visits should not cause trouble. She might act as though she is offended, but she'll learn those are the consequences of her actions.
Also, the advanced notice will allow you to leave so your W can actually see the difference. She will notice you are not there anymore. See how it goes. If the new approach doesn't work, then you can always change it.
