It was what he was writing to Michele.....not what she advised to him. I feel it would not be wise to try to get her to read the book right now. Of course, you could talk to the DB coaches and get advice.

Asking your W to read DR or any other book on M is your way of trying to fix things.....or as you said, "win her back". It doesn't usually work that way. I think DR is written more with the LBS in mind. Michele is giving advice to the one who wants the M to continue....not the one who wants to end it. Also, DR is like your tool box. It gives you the tools to use in how to coop. It's for "you".

I am curious as to why you think your story is different and doesn't fit any of the categories on the board. If you'll read some of the other threads here, you can't help but notice how they all begin to sound alike.

Right now you feel scared and in panick mode. The first thing you have to do is calm your fears and find inner stability. If you'll read far enough, you'll find what is... and what is not an attractive man to a woman. Until your W begins to feel attracted to you again...the chances of her wanting to stay are slim. I say slim b/c there are a few cases where one will find their moral compass....or spiritual conviction, and decide to do the "right thing" and stay in the M. That's what I did and let me tell you, it is a very slow and painful journey when one does not have the desire for the other one.

The fact that your W was jealous of you and the GF, shows that she still had some type of feeling about it. Doesn't mean it was love....but she felt something. It's when she totally feels nothing for the LBH that seems so hopeless. I'm not saying to run out there and try to make her jealous again, okay? I'm just pointing out that your M can still be saved, but it's going to take a tremdous amout of work on yourself. Not her. YOU! You can't fix anyone but yourself. She will have her own battles and work to face, but first things first.

Are you going to stick with us? I hope so. You need to post every day if possible, in order to keep people responding to your thread.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!