5 months in

[Tessa2012]

I received a text from H about an hour ago. He tells me not to respond but he's going to spend the day at home to wash his baby (car) and to spend time with us (parents, sister, and me). "Just a heads up."

Funny thing is, I've already made plans for a good portion of the day.

Since he's going to be home, should I tell him about the audition and risk ridicule or not tell him and risk making him angry?

Don't tell him what you're doing, just text back and say "thank you but I already have plans for most of the day." If he texts back asking what your plans are just ignore it. It is rude of him to assume that he can just "spend time" with you whenever he wants and just tell you that's what he's doing rather than asking, and doubly rude that he mentions spending that time with his "baby" before you guys!

Thanks AS -

You're advice helped. I agree with you that it was rude of him to mention washing his car before spending time with us. I was surprised because he spent time with us before the washed the car. Actually he and I spent the morning watching television together w/o either of us texting and we had small talk during the show.

I didn't mention anything to H about my plans until it was a couple hours before I had to leave. When I got out of the shower, he was outside washing the car. I got ready for the appointment (contacts, makeup, dress [one he likes], heels) and headed out the door. When I walked past to say good-bye, he told me to have fun on my date. I reminded him that it was an appointment and mentioned that I had my laptop. He called BS ("I can get my laptop and say the same thing.") and I didn't get upset. I just reminded him it was an appt and, of course, I got the "Whatever helps you sleep at night." I just told him that I'd see him when I got home.

All and all the weekend went well. He tried my patience and tried starting arguments but I didn't take the bait. He actually gave me a "pft" when I mentioned going to church this morning. I expected it because he doesn't believe in organized religion.

I have a feeling H is coming to the realization that he's actions a few months prior are not serving him well now. I mentioned before how he broke his hand. Now, he may not have his job to go back to [small company with about 5 people including owner] because his boss had to bring someone else in. He asked his old boss about coming back and she hired 2 new people and has no room for him. All of this because he broke his hand doing something that he shouldn't have been doing. I wanted to ask if breaking his hand was worth everything that's going on now, but I "bit my tongue" and didn't say anything. I know it would have started a fight and I'm working on keeping the peace.

The greatest small steps happened today as H was leaving.
1. He said that he's going to come home on the weekends more often to relax.
2. He mentioned that we could go out together during those times.
3. I received a free pass for 2 for a local comedy club, he agreed to go with me if I found a good act.

4. I got 2 hugs from him (he initiated) before he left. (1 before he pulled the car out of the garage and the 2nd before he got in the car to actually leave.

I didn't show my excitement to him but I'm happy. I know that these are small steps and aren't a guarantee. But I can't help being happy.