Exposure is NOT recommended here. It's an act of war. Your wife's affair is an act of war, your response is a retaliatory act of war. For some spouses, that can be 'unforgiveable' which is a death sentence to the old relationship. That means you have to begin anew. New relationship. THAT is not a death sentence it's a re-birth sentence, but it isn't easy.
It heals if it's gonna heal, with REAL GIVING. REAL GIVING is doing what your partner needs/wants even if it's unnatural for you. For example...if when your relationship is at a stress point, and you are in an argument, and your spouse needs closeness, you connect even when you need to disconnect, and vice versa.
What were your wife's complaints before the affair? What was good before the affair? You have knowledge as to what makes her happy? What is that? You also left a happiness gap--related to SOMETHING? Do you know what that is?
Do you knwo what your spouse wants :
During happy times During an argument In her grief?
What are YOUR needs?
How do they relate/conflict
What can you do to support her and meet your own needs when she can't?
