Hi Grateful. Not being caught up with your thread, I don't know the details, but in most cases I would give this same advice on anniversaries. Based on the fact she's filed for D, my suggestion is to do nothing to suggest any hope to continue this R. Do not give any romantic anniversary card, flowers, or any gift. A WAW sees these things as pressure, pursuing, a means of "begging" and you hoping she'll still come around. So don't do any of those examples. And some LBH's have such a strong desire that they will go ahead and do it....under the disguise that they are improving or doing a 180. But, they're not. They are still desparatly trying to melt her heart....and this won't do it.
Some advise to email or text a thinking of you today message. Really? It's still pursuing. Call it good manners if you want, but she will know exactly what it really is. It will do a lot more....if you won't contact her.
If she's still living in the home and you just feel that you can't get through it without doing something, then I'd very casually ask if she wants to take the kids and you all go out to eat. That's about all I could agree about (without knowing more details)....would be to have a family meal together at a kids-friendly or family-style restaurant and have your children to join both of you...if you have any. It needs to show nothing formal. If no kids, still keep it informal. Formal dinning is often felt or seen by a woman as "romantic".
If you want to get a plain card that doesn't have factory printed poems, and just write a few words that say thanks for the good memories and for our children. But no more than that or it will be pursuing. She needs to feel like it is more of a night to call a truce for a few hours and relax with the family you've shared together. And wait until the end of the meal to give the card to her. Don't wait for any response from her, but start getting everyone ready to leave. I would not bring up the topic of the wedding, M, anniversary, etc., during the meal or any other time.
If your W is really acting like a b!tch, and it's worse this week.....then I'd say to take that as your message to stay away from even having dinner with the family. When the WAW has filed for a D, the last thing she wants (in most cases) is to "celebrate" or put much focus on the M she is leaving. KWIM?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
