ahhh!!! today was a bad one trying to keep my family out of it but i am the youngest and every time i say I am going to do everything I can to save my marriage everyone attacks.
this is so hard. they say i am pushing all of them away for someone who doesn't care about me but i am not trying to I am just trying to keep them informed of my choice. and that I don't want him trashed I don't want them involved I just want to try and fix this without guilt from others. I know he hurt me do they think I need them to tell me that?
I hate fighting with them I feel so isolated but want to spend time with people but others only want to pry and lecture me when i say I still love him
Any one else have this problem and maybe a better way to handle it.
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
ahhh!!! today was a bad one trying to keep my family out of it but i am the youngest and every time i say I am going to do everything I can to save my marriage everyone attacks.
Then quit talking about your M to them. Notice above that it's when you bring it up that they start attacking you. So quit bringing it up!
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this is so hard. they say i am pushing all of them away for someone who doesn't care about me but i am not trying to I am just trying to keep them informed of my choice.
Wow, well it sounds like they are being very selfish and unsupportive. More reasons not to talk to them about it. If they bring it up just tell them you're living things a day at a time and working on yourself. That's what I tell my family (who like yours have been largely unhelpful).
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I just want to try and fix this without guilt from others.
Wait, you want to fix what? The marriage? You can't. That's the main pillar of DB'ing, fix the one and only thing you have full control over- YOURSELF. In doing so you may find your H attracted to you again, if so then maybe the two of you can build a new R and M (it's not about fixing the old one).
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I hate fighting with them I feel so isolated but want to spend time with people but others only want to pry and lecture me when i say I still love him
Come here to talk about your M. When you're with friends and family talk about other things. You can control the conversations.
You can also use that with other for yourself and your benefit. Talk about other things. Use it as time to free yourself from your situation.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
so i was doing good . we are separated living in different states i still love him this is all him walking away.
i have been so good about not being needy, saying i love you or anything it is hard to get a life back home at parents no job, no money coming in trying to find one feel like in limbo don't know if i should be treading water or moving on completely.
so sad all the time.
he had been calling every day then i went to visit new york was suppose to stay with him but he went mia so only saw him 4 day of 7 (jerk on his part since this was originally his idea) we slept together then he massively pulled away the next day.
didn't call for 5 days called once he said he was confused which i told him was fine but he didn't get to treat me like some girl he slept with and didn't want to call i am his wife and deserve better last friday was his birthday called him to say happy birthday ended up saying I miss you wish i was there. and I love you
all no-nos i know haven't heard from him since. Now what do I do?
I appreciate the great advice AnotherStander
I do need to focus more on me letting go o fate fear and trying to hope for the best but planning on moving forward.
thank you everyone.
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
so no call for a week and i can't even believe i have to write this he changed his Facebook status today.
which he is never on Facebook so it is either a f you or he is dating around and wants to friend them.
also we agreed not to do this. I don't even know how to respond.
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
"I am trying to be my old self. It is hard to compete with new and interesting when you have spent everyday together for 7 years. I used to be so brave and independent now I am nervous. Trying to figure out what is next."
Linz this^^^is normal. You will forget who you were during this time. Fear will take over any good memory you had of yourself. It shatters self confidence and esteem. It makes you question yourself at times all you see are negatives things about you....But you have to put a big old stop sign to those thoughts or he will do what he wants with you. Sit back and make a list of strengths that you have. I know you are good are many things, right? If it hurts don't look at his FB page. It is snooping and it doesn't help..
Now lets look at your GALing activities. What are you doing for you? I know you are not working but there are things you can do which are free. Think about having some fun and being happy. No one wants to be around a depressed person. Time to get that independent spirit back
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Once you are really detached, it will be hard to attach again to those who are not playing friendly with you, spouses included. And then you start taking care of those parts of you which have been neglected and it just won't make sense to try to do it with someone who is going to neglect it.
well he called back after i told him we need to talk and said some really jerk things one he didn't do it. okay so your Facebook magically changed its status to single.
Rick thank you for the advice i appreciate it very much I wasn't snooping people were emailing me to see what happened so i check my page and it showed up as he had changed his status on a post.
I do try to avoid snooping cause it only causes pain I hate the few times I have had to log into our joint account to pay bills cause I see he is out almost every night at bars and restraints. which makes me feel horrible
Tonight he only wanted to talk settlement and that he said he was going to keep his wedding ring to wear next time he got married.
I couldn't believe that he would say that to me.
or would consider wearing the ring from our marriage with someone else. that just feels cold and mean to me . maybe i am being overly sensitive I don't know
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
okay what do i do next it seems like he is moved on i don't know we had been talking about planning a trip for th holidays together now he is talking about going to california without me for the holidays.
soing a road trip we have done 100s of times. I just keep praying he will 0open his heart to me.
I am attempting to move on and give the impression that i am good and moving on.
sometimes i feel like a liar
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
