So in a nutshell- I have determined a pattern we have upon contact where he pushes buttons, I react, then he of course can say AhA see there you are angry and fight all the time. Another issue is he has not been visiting the kids or calling. He feels he cannot make contact for me. (this is NOT true) again he says I fight and cause a problem. I really think by saying this he is avoiding responsibility and trying to help his guilt. Yesterday, he was supposed to come and get them and spend time with the kids. He didn't call until late at which point we had made other plans. So I told him no, that we had made other plans and in the future he would need to call at least the day before to set up a pick up and drop off time. Really I think this is not in any way difficult or being unreasonable on my part. A problem has been that he says he will be here then doesn't show on time. Picks them up late and brings them back early. Compounding our problems he is talking to XW1 again. He began talking to her 2 weeks after he left here. In a nutshell, having all those OW feelings with her. It was soooo easy to fall right back into all of that. My guess is she is not real thrilled at my kids taking "her" time. So after we had words yesterday I felt bad. Because frankly, that is my nature. I REALLY do not like conflict. Last night, I called him, I said, I am sorry we had words. His response - "You need to apologize to the kids" I assume he still thinks I am trying to be vindictive. Not so. I am just tired of waiting on him. I am tired of watching my kids sit at the window looking for him. Not making plans because he is so up in the air about everything. I am a planner. I have to be to keep 4 kids, all their activities, appointments, and mine in line. I digress. At this point I said "what? I am calling to apologize to you for our having an argument. I shouldn't have raised my voice and said hurtful things to you. He said whatever you want to play hardball I can too. So at that point I said I stand by what I said regarding visitation. You need to call and set up a pick up and drop off time and stick to it. It is only fair to everyone." So that set him off again. It ended with him screaming at me to "Not call him again tonight" and he hung up on me. I didn't raise my voice or get a tone this time. Nothing rude from me. I also of course didn't call back.
I felt like a complete idiot. Why in the world would I apologize to someone who is obviously irrational most of the time? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
The limits are NOT sitting well with him. Please tell me this is the right thing to do. Not just for all of our sanity but setting limits, restoring respect for my M. Right? Maybe?
Now here I sit, it is Sunday. I hate Sundays. That was the day we spent with the kids, had a big dinner, that sort of thing. It was our family day. Bah.
Hope everyone is having a good day. I am going to try to check in other threads.
