My sitch is different in the fact that my husband doesn't live at home. He mostly has been traveling on business. When he is in town, he stays in his bosses extra apartment. I haven't had any contact with him in two weeks. That was an email I sent him. The last I heard from him was about 3 1/2 weeks ago and it was an email. I can't remember, but it has probably been a month since I actually talked to him. It was on the phone, I called him.
I did get the ILYBINILWY on the one of my lowest days of my life. He told me that after I just came home from the ER. He didn't come to ER to see whether I was ok or not. That really hurt. Everything about this has hurt.
Anyway, I've been reading stacks of books. Three of Michelle's books, the Jim Conway book on Men in Midlife Crisis, plus a few more. Anything that might help, I read. The only thing I have been able to put in practice is the detaching. There is no R talk because there is no talking. My older Ds (17&20) have on their own decided to detach as well. With him not being around, it's been easier. We have just been going on with our lives.
I'm not sure what effect, if any it is having on my H. I do know he told me in an email that he was supposed to be a conference in Vegas until the 8th. I was looking at our bank account info last night and saw that he got a haircut in our town yesterday. He is back in town. Who knew? So, I looked up the conference that was supposed to end on the 8th, it ended on Friday the 2nd! Ds asked what that meant. I have no clue. All I know is he is back a week early. Last I knew he was supposed to make a trip to Munich before Thanksgiving. ???? I don't know anymore.
I really just try not to think about where he is, what he's doing and who he's with. So, as of now I'm just not doing anything. Just living my life, reading the books, spending time with my daughters and working on myself.
I wish I had advice for you. My H hasn't ever come out and said he wants a divorce. He never said the S word either. He just didn't come home from a trip. The only thing he has said is, he doesn't want the house (can't afford it) he wants to sell some things, he doesn't want lawyers involved and hopes we can work together. He also said what your wife did. The affair is a symptom, not the problem.
I'll let you know what works with my H, if he ever talks to me. Right now I'm thinking the time apart is helping me. I like it when he has to sit alone in his apartment in town. It's in a barn. We're nearby in our nice big cozy home. Gives him something to think about.
