You feel worse because you're riding his rollercoaster. He says awful things to you and you hit a valley. Normally you would eventually come to accept that he wants space, you would grieve, heal and move on.
Then, he is nice to you, asks you how you're feeling and you hit a summit. You wonder why he would do that, is he thinking of you, is he just confused and is this the first step toward reconciling? You form new hopes and expectations.
Then something will happen where you see him with OW or he is mean to you again, your new hopes are dashed and the pain cycle starts all over again.
That's why I recommend blocking his texts with your carrier. Explain to him that he needs to give you space to allow you to move forward. You are not punishing him you are protecting yourself. As long as he can bungee jump into your thoughts and emotions and then spring back out at will you are caught in unending cycles of pain. Make it stop.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
