No I don't work on the slope just about 250 miles away from home. I understand what you just said completely. Sometimes when we are away and W is partying, we wonder why we are doing it. Its really hard being away and I think sometimes the W's take it for granted and vice versa. they don't understand us trying to provide the best for them, and we don't understand their lonliness when we are not there. Hence the big Word "COMMUNICATION". other people around probably don't understand what we are talking about in the Alaska work force area. The distance some of work apart from our loved ones is definitely a major problem up here for a lot of people. I will give you some more advice if you don't mind.

Our minds do go crazy when we are away and try to get in touch, and W's are out and about, very stressful. also, I do know that we miss our families terribly when we are away. sometimes we take that for granted and don't let the W's know it. But trust me we married our W's because we loved them and as Michele says in the books, that doesn't stop, we just imagine tht it has stopped because we have quit "communicating" Simple answers but hard things to comprehend and get through. I think we get too caught up in ourselves and lose focus of our partners. I speak for myself when i say i definitely took my W for granted and the things she did do. I don't anymore, but don't know if it too late or not.

I don't there is a clear answer, but you are doing the right things though. I do have a question for you though. Is your h very religious. Because if not, then I think I might see part of your prob right now. I truly respect you for your devotion, but ask yourself this question?

From where i was a week, a month, a year, or two years ago, what is the major changes I have made in my life? How does my H see these changes or perceive them? Is H as comitted to church as I am? (this could be one of your major stumbling blocks).

If you are constantly telling h how much you have changed or if you are pushing your church actions on him when he may not be that religious or very skeptical right now might be keeping him away. Like I said earlier when A is involved in either party or lying and mistrust, it takes a heck of a lot to regain the other person's trust. But how do you go about doing it. I truly believe, that you have to live each day as best YOU can and not force your new beliefs on him. He will see the changes in fact I would bet he already has and it makes him wonder?

But don't live a lie, like my W has been doing. She swore she was going to commit to M 110% and then I found an email between her and partying buddy, talking about me like a dog. That was back when i was snooping, sometimes you find crap that you don't want to know or would be better off without. All i am saying is be honest and true to yourself. if you have really changed he will see it. its like the old saying about if you love something set it free if it comes back etc...

set yourself free from the past, you cannot change it and never will be able to. That is what i had to do. I am a lot more at piece with myself right now and no matter what happens I am not going to go back to that person. It was really driving me crazy. A good friend of mine is a recovered AA and he has great life now. Your H is going to wonder when he is on the slope for right now and you cannot change that, what you can change is showing him you are very sincere in this new change and that you are committed to it for the long haul. Don't say it with words, because after awhile words go in one ear and out the other, especially if was a repeated scene in the past. When he was gone before did you go out to the bars while he was at work. I guarantee that right now that is one thing he is looking at to see if you going out or not. Be as honest as you can be with him about what you are doing. he is looking and needing to see the changes and to see if they are going to last. He needs that space and I think to be honest right now you do to. This is not an overnight deal.

I'll give you an example, since I started my 180, my W has called me more. the other night she stopped by and when she was getting ready to leave she seemed to be waiting for me to jump and be hugging her and trying to kiss her. I waited until she had her coat on and then got up and was walking her to the door when she gave me a big hug, nothing more nothing less. I hugged her back and nothing else. However, she was kind of dragging her feet going to her car, I stood at the door and just simply said thank you. she said what for and i said the hug. she told me she really missed them and I said me to. See simple but effective. It was good moment for both of us, and no pressure by either person. tomorrow when you see him be laid back and take the moments for what they are. I hope this makes sense.
Dan