hey don't sweat it. Somtimes us males really are from Mars...:) I know I try to make things better with gifts, and often wonder about the W responding in the same way as you are... it makes me wonder why i was doing it. When in my heart is was because I cared, but when W starts questioning it, it really hinders the process. Since I am in Ak I know and am familiar with the travel issues as I am kind of in the same sitch.

Look I am going to be honest with you. You have been through a heck of a lot and so has your H. Please back off trying to push him or making a big deal about the computer. It is his way of showing you that you still mean something to him. don't ruin it by pushing too hard right now. I know I am in kind of the same sitch as him. i need to see long term changes in my W before I can trust her again. I need to know when I leave that she will not be out partying anymore. I know this is brutally honest, but I am telling you this from the male perspective and from someone who is kind of in his same shoes.

You are doing so good, but from my perspective, reading your sitch, you keep sliding back into old behavior. You need to quit trying to analyze everything he is doing or not doing. when A is involved, people really need to see a long term change and whether the other person likes it or not it is up to them to maintain that change. However, sometimes people change drastically in a short timeframe, and the other person is just sitting there waiting for the person to revert back to the same old thing. I know my W was doing that to me last year, and I felt a tremendous amount of pressure wevery time I opened my mouth I was waiting to get hammered. I think that is how your H is probably feeling right now. From reading what you have written I think is really trying to reach out to you, but when he does, you push too hard and he doesn't want to be rushed as he needs the validation that you have changed. its hard to tell when that will be, but if you are serious about this then you have to maintain the 180 route. Its like driving to Kenai from Anchorage. We both know there is only one way to drive there. You cannot get there if you keep turning around near Hope. *(alaska reference) You have to keep going in the direction you are driving. If you keep turning around you will not get there and all the salmon will be gone.

I know I was kind of brutal today, but I think you needed it to sanp you out of your current state. Please be sure I wrote this with all the intent of helping you and give you all my best wishes. Not start living today and focus on the technique grasshopper.

Dan