Being calm is good. I agree don't guilt her or try to convince her of anything.
It's up to you to set your boundaries though. Explain what you will or will not accept in your marriage and what the consequences are for non compliance. Have you asked her to drop him?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Avoid all relationship talks for now. Neither of you are in a place to make rational decisions or comments. If she brings it up just say you need time to figure things out, and go do something constructive.
Meanwhile, decide what your boundaries will be. Boundaries are not demands and she has no say in what yours are.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
My H said the same thing in an email to me a few weeks ago. That his affair is a symptom of the problem. I truly believe he's in MLC. I wonder if by saying that, he knows what he's doing and that something IS wrong with HIM?
"Maybe you disagree with the idea that some women, maybe even the majority of women, prefer a man with a more alpha personality who takes the lead. If so, that's ok, since I don't believe there are any reliable statistics on this. James already indicated he was overly beta, so it seems working to man up may be beneficial for his marriage, but that's for him to decide.
"You're in no position to take the reins now!" means that I believe because his M is on shaky ground, it would be best to proceed carefully with any Alpha Man Plan. Clear enough?"
No, I don't disagree. I just didn't understand exactly what you were saying.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
