Why does it seem that the pain is worse now than it was after BD? I think that maybe in the beginning I actually had some hope of R then and now I dont. I think that back then, I was convinced that H would realize what he was walking out on and not want to go. Now, Im convinced that he is well on his way down this path with OW, despite what he will lose. I know he is in a FOG but too many people tell me that he is never coming back. All our friends and family tell me...just move along and start your new life. No one realizes how HARD that is...
H came this morning to take kids to breakfast for his bday. I just stayed upstairs...didnt want to start my day by seeing him. Just too much for me and honestly, I am still hung up on him heading to OWs house to spend his birthday with her. My kids just seem to be placed in between his other plans...when its convenient for him.
H does NOT have a facebook, but his bro does and they went to a concert last night. There was a pic posted of the 2 of them together. I have to admit, H looked bad. He was smiling, but not is genuine smile...I dont know if Im saying this because I want him to not be happy, so that is what I see, or what...but he really looked kinda sad:(
I just will never know how he can tell me that he deeply cares about me and even goes as far as telling me that he loves me and also be in love with OW? Is it normal for H to still love his wife and family but not ever want to be with them again and want OW instead or are these feelings he is confessing to me just to pacify me since Im pregnant? I guess I will never know...
Another weekend to get through...God..give me strength...
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
SB....you can do this. Try to keep the focus on YOU and your health and your lovely children and baby on the way.
Try and turn your thoughts away from him and the questions. He is confused and probably is not aware of everything he is saying anyway.
Please focus on YOU.
Am thinking about you.
((((( )))))
Busting
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
H took kids out to breakfast and OW was brought up a few time by my kids...they are upset and angry too. They asked H if their cousins (his brothers kids) knew he had a girlfriend and his response was that he doesnt care who knows.
Does this mean that it will be harder for them to ever break up since there is no longer any secrets? He is obviously very proud of having her.
After they got home I received a random text message about an hour later. Today is his birthday and this is what he texted me:
"Was sad that you didnt take the kids to at least get a me a card...I did all that for your even though the situation was much the same. I deserve that at least"
Now, on my birthday back in Sept, he drove by a card and a $100 gift massage and left it in the mailbox from HIM. It had nothing to do with the kids. So, do you think he was upset I didnt have a card for him? I dont think he deserves anything right now for all this hurt and pain.
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
Birthdays are definitely hard. My stbx always (and I mean always) ends up lashing out at us on bdays. Funnily enough, with him it's our bdays that he spews on. I suppose that's because we make his bday nice for him. For mine and the kids', stbx has the responsibility to do something - and he just can't handle it, hence the guilty spew.
I think your h is having to face a bit of reality - the kids begin upset and angry, and no present or card from you, the W he abandoned.
The fact that OW is now not a secret will also bring its own consequences. He may be proud, but i doubt that anyone else would think well of him - or her.
He seems to be getting a little inkling that things are not going to be like he thought. Most WASs seem to have a little story worked out whereby everything will be fine and dandy. When things don't work out that way - and they feel they are thwarted and losing control of their planned sitch, they lash out - and it's all our fault.
I try to see my stbx's fury as a sign that he is struggling. And if he doesn't struggle, he's never going to look for answers (outside of blaming me) for the position he's in.
Focus on doing what's right. Protect yourself and your kids. I know you'll get through this. We're all here for you.
You feel worse because you're riding his rollercoaster. He says awful things to you and you hit a valley. Normally you would eventually come to accept that he wants space, you would grieve, heal and move on.
Then, he is nice to you, asks you how you're feeling and you hit a summit. You wonder why he would do that, is he thinking of you, is he just confused and is this the first step toward reconciling? You form new hopes and expectations.
Then something will happen where you see him with OW or he is mean to you again, your new hopes are dashed and the pain cycle starts all over again.
That's why I recommend blocking his texts with your carrier. Explain to him that he needs to give you space to allow you to move forward. You are not punishing him you are protecting yourself. As long as he can bungee jump into your thoughts and emotions and then spring back out at will you are caught in unending cycles of pain. Make it stop.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Accuracy...after the confession of love for OW, I just want to give up! I know you and your wife are piecing...did she ever completely move out? Was she claiming to love the OM?
This is the first time since all of this happened that I really, truely believe that this is over and he is done. I have never seen him so serious and so done with me. The mean stuff that he is saying and doing makes me think he no longer cares about anything....
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
I'm sorry SB, if I could hug you I would. Stay strong, take care of you, learn, have fun and move forward. Easy to say hard to do, drag your hiney out of the house!! Remember you are perfectly made and loved.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
