Hi Soul, I'm not sure I can be much help with your Q's. As you know, you and I have a lot of similarities in our sitch's, so if you did something wrong, I probably did the same thing. I think the problem is dealing with a spouse that you expect to act like a grown-up, and when they don't, we just aren't prepared with the tools. The problem is that if we had to take pre-M classes to have the tools (eg. Cheating 101, Lying 200, Bad Budgeting 301) then I think lot of people would become totally disillusioned with M and skip it all together.
I'm wondering, did you ever do any of what he's doing? Did you ever leave the kids with him or get a babysitter so that you could go out drinking with your friends the minute he got home from work? I'm just curious what his response would have been to your actions. Same with lying. Did you ever throw in a lie just to make him start wondering? I just think you've been too available to/accepting of him. I find these people don't take it nearly as well as they dish it out. That's where I'm at right now. I figure I don't have anything to lose, so it's time for me to level the playing field. I'm at a different place than you but I'll let you know how it goes.
Have you gone dark at all? At least as much as you can with kids? It might be nice if some time when he called to talk to the kids, the babysitter answered the phone and the kids told him all about the night out you were having with friends (friends he didn't know, of course.)
