journaling: A friend who's known H and I since the begging reminded me a little of who I am/was before I became a wife. Me, the one who likes attention, needs comfort, and loves a good time w/friends and family.
She reminded me that I was smart, strong, curious in life's adventures and not at all the pushover I have been lately. She thought all those qualities were why H fell for me in the first place.
I fell into routine, found my comfort zone and became an adult, with mom duties, w/responsibilities. Not an abnormal life path pretty true to life.
My H however living backwards wants to re-live those days, go back and do it "right" so he will be happy today.
Me, I'm happy with today! Do I want for anything, sure I have dreams and aspirations, but not in the face of sh!tting on what I do have.
Everything h says he doesn't want, will come his way (old age, retirement, ect.) no matter how much he holds his breath.
I was always looking forward to that part of my life soo much! We watched a movie when we first married called Mi Familia ~ My Family. It took you from the begging of a marriage with there first cup of coffee on the porch, through all of life's challenges, up to the later part of their life, just the two of them again, sipping their coffee on the porch.
We said that would be us, God and family is most important, together we will get through anything.
Today I find myself facing the future without my comfort zone, without my gift of history, but with maybe something new. I figure if I don't stay with H, whom ever I meet will be my age or more, so you gotta think he'll come with some of the same dreams, and idea's the second stage of life brings.
Not giving up here, but not giving in to the idea of life without love or recommitment. I'm still young here!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
