WAS vs. LBS

[keep_going]

CV,

I think I have read all or most of your posts and am well aware of your situation. I feel terrible for you - it's not an easy one and I can sense your hopelessness and exasperation in each and every one of your posts.

You have stated many times that you are just staying for your S. He is a young man now and I am sure he is aware of a lot if not most of the dynamics between you are your H. It must be so incredibly painful for him to see his parents be so disconnected from each other. What is he learning about M from what you and your H are showing him?

I know we are here in a pro-M site, but you have documented very well the reasons why you feel your H is not good for you and why you are unhappy and how hopeless you feel that things will change. From what you have said, it seems like you will be better off not being with your H anymore, so perhaps it's the same for your son?

I guess my question to you is, is it really better for your son for you to "hang in there" to this miserable situation? How is an empty marriage with two unhappy parents better for him?

Since his well-being is your only motivation for staying put, perhaps its good to re-think what his well-being truly is. I have never advised anyone to give up before today, but you sound miserable, angry towards your H and unwilling or simply devoid of any incentive or energy to keep trying.

So if you know in your heart you have given your all and have not succeeded, could it be time to call it quits? Perhaps that is the example and life lesson for your son to take away from this. Perhaps it's time to move on and show him that you and HIM deserve better...

My MIL stayed with her abusive and alcoholic H until my H was 15. When she finally decided to leave and told my H, his answer to her was: "Mom, why did you wait so long?" She almost collapsed in dispair - her years of misery and sacrifice were for naught and actually affected all her kids so much more than if she had left way before then...

Can you imagine how you would feel if you son reacted similarly after all these years you are willing to endure staying unhappy?

Just wanted to show you a different perspective, which could very well be you son's perspective. I hope you can see I mean no disrespect.

Good luck to you, CV.