Thanks for the response and kind words. There are days when I feel that I have become a version of the WAS. I too have constructed an emotional wall to protect myself from being hurt further in the relationship. After 3 years of receiving very little if nothing at all emotionally from my wife, I have truy detached from the marriage.
Part of why I have stayed in this so long as that 20 years from now, if I am still alive, I don't want to have any regrets about not trying hard enough or giving the situation enough time to save my marriage and family.
Having said that, there also comes a time when you want to be able to look back and see that you made the right choice at the right time for your family, wife and yourself. I think I am getting very close to that point in the relationship.
I think that my wife is having a real tough time trying to make a decision here and that she is still very confused. My feeling is that had she left when the bomb was initially dropped would have been the ideal time for her. I was not the person I am today and she would have had all the justification in the world to leave. Now that I am a better person, and she has to carry the burden of an affair and now being the one who will be looked at negatively for ending the marriage is too much for her to deal with.
She and I never liked to deal with conflict and she has a hard time making a decision about anything, so she is in a tough spot. Having the OM floating around in the background is just another issue that she can't deal with. Hopefully having a discussion with her in the new year will be the starting point to achieiving a resolution to this situation.
