H took S to school and me to store. Helped me pick out movies and then dropped me off at home. He didn't want to come in. When he dropped me off he handed me a bag of huge prawns and some grapes that he had bought for son and I...I thanked him. He said he would be back with some scraps for the dog when he picked up son at nine. I asked if he was going to come in at that time and watch a movie as he had picked one of them out he said he didn't think so...I said ok.
Didn't argue or make a scene. Just went into the house and waved good bye.
Am going to ask H if he would like to come by tomorrow night and help me cook the prawns as son is going on a sleep over evening...am going to tell him that there's no pressure, I'd enjoy his company, but my girlfriend Laurie has volunteered to fill in for him if he turns me down. Will be sure to let him know I'd prefer his company and am sure he's a better cook, but that either way, I'm sure to have a good Saturday night.
AA nooner tomorrow. Church Sunday evening. Staying busy.
Bingo...you said things had gotten better before when you got a life and started taking care of you...keep it up...don't let this make you slip. Don't start any clingy stuff..keep yourself strong..you can do it..
H said he planned on coming over to plow, so he would have prawns with me, too. No expectations...but son is having a sleep over elsewhere, so it would sure be nice if H ended up spending the night with me again... Of course, if not, getting the driveway done and having prawns together works just fine, too.
Doing a nooner tomorrow with girlfriend Laurie and letting the boys go ice skating together while we are at the meeting. They should have fun. So should we. God is good.
I won't be cooking the prawns, but it's ok. I called him to ask if he was interested in orange shrimp over fettucini. He was very weird. Said basically he NEVER said he was eating with me tonight. (which is an outright lie) So, I said whatever, basically you don't want to eat with me and that is fine so I will make other plans. I did not get crazy about it with him..I just dealt with it and got off the phone.
I can only control myself and my REACTIONS to others...so I did not react. I am going to ACT by going out with girlfriend and son and my son today. It will be fun.
I can't believe he denied telling me he would have dinner with me... how alien is that?
I've decided to cook the prawns for son and girlfriend and girlfriend's son. We will have mother and son gourmet night at my house tonight. What the heck! It will be fun. We will go have a fun day, come have dinner here and then son can go spend the night there and I can watch my movie tonight and not have soo much alone time.
It's a good plan.
H can plow to his heart's content. I am going to take care of me.
I have no "great words of wisdom" about any specifics of what you should, or shouldn't, do here. You are handling it well, whether or not YOU believe so at times!!
YOU have made some WONDERFUL changes in your life within the past year or so. Changes that have improved the potential for the quality of your relationship with your husband. In fact, what you have done is beyond the scope of what most people could ever realize. Therefore, my hat is off, and my heart goes out, to you!!!
You have taken your life to a new level. That is something that you should be VERY proud of!
DO remember, though, the dynamics of your relationship have changed. As much as you have gone through some big "stuff" on your own, so has he. He's coming back to a different woman. It's going to take some adjusting on his part, too. He's not with you there everyday, so he hasn't been through the whole process with you.
It's all GOOD, though, so don't stop what you're doing!! Just do what you can to cut him some slack, and give him some time to adjust, too.
What you are doing with AA is so important. Keep doing that!! Also, you might want to hit an Al-anon meeting or two if you can. I think that this would help both you, and the members of that group, to see all sides of the situation.
I STILL have good feelings about the future of your marriage, alaskangal!! It will take some time, some perserverance, and a lot of patience and understanding, but I know you have this within you!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Just got back from shopping. Picked up stuff to make prawns and got a card for valentine's day for H and bought him a non threatening gift... a travel mug as he drives a long way to fly to work and then a heart shaped tin of altoids as he likes to have fresh breath. Gave it to him when he showed up to plow and said I got you a small gift as a thank you for all you have been doing for us...no expectations, just a thanks..thought you could use the cup on your drives, he said, yeah, and took the card and cup and tin out to his truck. He then said, I'm gonna plow now...I said that's fine, my plans have changed my girl friend laurie got sick so my girlfriend trish is coming here with her daughter and we are going to cook the orange prawns here tonight and watch movies with the kids. He looked a bit surprised and said nothing but went out and began to plow.
I will take him some coffee in a while, as I would for anyone.
Of course, if not, getting the driveway done and having prawns together works just fine, too.
