OM sent W, W's boss, and two other people who she plays with in the company, an email about the same stuff. P!ssed off about being taken off all of the gigs that my W is on (which is about 80% of the company's gigs). He was obviously trying to intimidate W's boss and put him, and my W, in a bad spot by ccing the email to other people.
W did not respond. Not sure whether her boss or any of the others did.
I don't say much when W tells me about these things. I listen intently and that is about it.
W told me that she now feels harassed. That her first reaction to this latest email was to respond and say "take me off of this email chain and do not contact me or my family again." But she decided not to because she still feels that any response will only inflame the situation.
W asked me what I thought so I told her (editing out a few thoughts though).
I told her that OM needs to be out of our lives. That I don't blame her for what is happening now. I am not mad at her, but I am becoming increasingly angry with OM. I told her that it seems that he is trying to intimidate her boss and put him and W in an uncomfortable situation.
I told her that it is taking everything that I have to not become directly involved by contacting OM myself.
She said that she knows that, but that she doesn't think that it is necessary 'yet'.
I told her that at some point we may need to think about a restraining order. She again asked me if I thought that she should respond to the email and say "do not contact me or my family again". I told her not this time. Let's see how her boss responds.
She reiterated that no matter what she isn't going to resume doing shows with OM. That if it comes down to it, she will leave the company. That her boss will have to decide who is more important to the company. It is W by far, so that is not an issue.
During the conversation, W used words like "obsessive", "crazy" and "stalking" to describe OM.
Better late than never to get it I suppose.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I would like to say that I am above reveling in OM's displeasure, but I'd be lying if I did.
Ya know, I disagree. It's kinda petty and sad.
You are giving him waaaay too much power in your life. He shouldn't even be an after thought. You've had 2 posts on the guy.
He was a symptom of a problem. focusing on his demise doesn't advance your situation in the slightest.
Not focusing on it at all Harrier. Dealing with the aftermath though. And I might as well enjoy it... "petty and sad" or not. And truthfully, there probably isn't one man on this board who wouldn't feel the same if he were telling the truth. You included.
Nope you are 100% wrong, You don't know me, you don't know jack dude. I haven't given more than a passing thought to the guy my W had an EA with in months. Nor would I wish him great harm. It just serves no purposes AT ALL. And exposes what kind of person your really are.
You know I remember having this conversation with you months back and you put all this focus on the OM. Your burning hatred, your desire for revenge, etc. I told you at the time that you did it at your own peril. Looks like you haven't learned a thing.
you can lie to yourself and say it doesn't matter and there is no focus. But you are spending energy with your posts and your efforts to peruse legal action. I see what you are doing, it's pretty obvious actually and it may or may not work. But it's a bet I wouldn't want to take.
And when he's utterly destroy, where will your anger go next?
But everyone here is going to kiss your butt and tell you what a good guy you are. Sorry, won't do that.
It's funny, Just a few weeks ago you were on the other side. You were enabling another OM. You were inviting someone who did the same thing to your house for fantasy football. So tell us how much of a good guy you are.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
And I might as well enjoy it... "petty and sad" or not. And truthfully, there probably isn't one man on this board who wouldn't feel the same if he were telling the truth.
I actually agree with this statement.
I think the “line” if there is one is what Harrier has said, at least to some extent.
Is OM or the demise of OM consuming a person? IMO, that is not good. That said, I do not think it is wrong to “enjoy it” for a bit. For example, say a drunk drive hit your kid, who ends up dying. Would you wish harm on the person? Would you go and find the individual and kill them? Or would you take some solace in knowing that the drunk driver was caught and paid the consequences for their action and therefore is NO longer on the road to kill another person. I would bet that most people would take solace in that the person is behind bars.
I am sure some folks will bash me for making this comparison. I mean really a dead child vs a cheating spouse. Consider this… consider the consequences.. a lost job or life behind bars.
At the end of the day it really amount to perspective.
Personally, I have no desire to be with my XW. None. Do I wish her boyfriend (who just filed for d from his wife) harm? No. If he lost his job because of it (note: he is my XW boss) well to me that is the consequence of his actions. Would I be “happy” that he lost his job. No. I would though feel a sense of “karma” and it would indeed probably put a smile on my face.
My other point is this….using the same example as above.. the drunk driver, hopefully learned his lesson and is now paying the consequences and will no longer do this to someone else. Maybe, Denver’s W’s OM is in the same boat. He hopefully has learned HIS lesson and maybe just maybe…will think twice before putting someone elses M in jeopardy.
Fig,
I have a ton of respect for you..tons.. I just disagree with you on this one.
His “livelihood” is impact but he could also get another job. Add to that, the boss is the one that at the end of the day made the call. Not Denver or Denver’s W.
In short, I agree with Gabbysmom…”he impacted his OWN livelihood”.
I do agree that it is a shame that they both could not have been adults and dealt with it better.
Denver
In terms of the restraining order… I would tread lightly here. When I read your post it seems like a part of you is defending your W….almost justifying her actions a bit. Maybe I am misreading it – it’s my take. Personally, I think you need to find a way to either stay the F out of it and/or make sure your W understand that although you may have been a butt head. SHE and ONLY SHE put herself in this position.
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I told her that at some point we may need to think about a restraining order. She again asked me if I thought that she should respond to the email and say "do not contact me or my family again". I told her not this time. Let's see how her boss responds.
Personally, I would not have brought up the restraining order, nor would I have responded the way you did. She needs to figure this out. She should have, IMO, made the choice to do whatever it was she felt she wanted to do. I understand that she is probably looking to adhere to your boundaries. IMO, you could have responded with a “whatever YOU think you need to do – do. I will support YOUR choices and I appreciate you discussing this with me”. This way SHE makes the choice and NOT you.
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She reiterated that no matter what she isn't going to resume doing shows with OM.
WHY? If she does not want to be with him then she will not be. If she does not want to talk to him. Then she shouldn’t.
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And when he's utterly destroy, where will your anger go next?
I do agree with this ^^^ . Anger sometime is a good thing if used properly. Is your anger consuming you? Only you know Dever..only you know. When you look in the mirror do you think you have a few issues to work through? The answer is for YOU buddy not me. If you do…work on those issue.. find a better outlet and find a way to stay clear of this crap with OM. You will end up feeling better.
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But everyone here is going to kiss your butt and tell you what a good guy you are.
I don’t agree with this ^^^^ First, I am not gonna kiss your ass…If I decided to switch teams…maybe (insert smirk)…On a serious note, I think you are still on your journey and have some chit to work through. I do think you are generally a good person. If that means I am kissing your butt…aw… well.
Stay positive and well my friend.
On a final note….please pray for our mutual friend!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hmmm pretty hostile there Harrier. I think if you found your W's OM in the bathroom naked in her home, you'd feel differently. Or maybe not. Doesn't matter. Denver just made a simple comment. Don't know why you're slamming him.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I would like to say that I am above reveling in OM's displeasure, but I'd be lying if I did.
Ya know, I disagree. It's kinda petty and sad.
You are giving him waaaay too much power in your life. He shouldn't even be an after thought. You've had 2 posts on the guy.
He was a symptom of a problem. focusing on his demise doesn't advance your situation in the slightest.
Not focusing on it at all Harrier. Dealing with the aftermath though. And I might as well enjoy it... "petty and sad" or not. And truthfully, there probably isn't one man on this board who wouldn't feel the same if he were telling the truth. You included.
Nope you are 100% wrong, You don't know me, you don't know jack dude. I haven't given more than a passing thought to the guy my W had an EA with in months. Nor would I wish him great harm. It just serves no purposes AT ALL. And exposes what kind of person your really are.
You know I remember having this conversation with you months back and you put all this focus on the OM. Your burning hatred, your desire for revenge, etc. I told you at the time that you did it at your own peril. Looks like you haven't learned a thing.
you can lie to yourself and say it doesn't matter and there is no focus. But you are spending energy with your posts and your efforts to peruse legal action. I see what you are doing, it's pretty obvious actually and it may or may not work. But it's a bet I wouldn't want to take.
And when he's utterly destroy, where will your anger go next?
But everyone here is going to kiss your butt and tell you what a good guy you are. Sorry, won't do that.
It's funny, Just a few weeks ago you were on the other side. You were enabling another OM. You were inviting someone who did the same thing to your house for fantasy football. So tell us how much of a good guy you are.
I know that you DB'd for about a minute before you started criticizing the concept. I know that you post your opinions to everyone else here on this board, but yet don't keep an active thread on your ongoing situation. I know that when you do post about your sitch and are criticized that you clam up and don't say a word for weeks.
But whatever Harrier. You sound like a pretty angry 'dude' yourself. But hey, we wouldn't know what that is about since you don't bother to tell us what is going on with you. To each their own.
I don't have to justify my feelings to you or anyone else on this board. I post them because I use this place to express feelings that I sometimes don't in my everyday life. I use this place to document my personal journey.
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To quickly answer a question that Eric posed.... No, the anger is not consuming me. I have admitted that it is there, in the background. A couple of times, over several weeks, OM has been a topic of conversation between W and I over this job thing and the text/emails that he has sent. I get flashes of anger during these times, but I really am able to quickly put them aside. I just look forward to the day that all of the loose ends are tied up and all of this is completely behind me. But it certainly isn't consuming me.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
To quickly answer a question that Eric posed.... No, the anger is not consuming me. I have admitted that it is there, in the background. A couple of times, over several weeks, OM has been a topic of conversation between W and I over this job thing and the text/emails that he has sent. I get flashes of anger during these times, but I really am able to quickly put them aside. I just look forward to the day that all of the loose ends are tied up and all of this is completely behind me. But it certainly isn't consuming me.
Sounds like you are in the right place Denver. The anger is normal and no matter what others may say, you will think about OM. The key is not to allow him to take up too much space in your mind, which is sounds like you are not. Good for you.
As I mentioned before, I think you need to stay out of it as much as you can. Don't allow him to derail you.
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I post them because I use this place to express feelings that I sometimes don't in my everyday life. I use this place to document my personal journey.
Keep posting dude dude and this is the perfect place to express how you feel and also get idea thoughts from others.
You know the drill, you will get different forms of responses on here based on peoples own perspective and life experiences. Take what YOU feel is beneficial to YOU in your sitch and apply it.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"I think you need to stay out of it as much as you can. Don't allow him to derail you."
And he has stayed out of it. Although coming from a man whose W's A partner threatened our family, if it comes to that, you need to stop it immediately.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Listen , each one of us have a different situation. I wish that I was in yours but I am not. With that being said how many times on here have we heard of backsliding. So we know that some WAS have backslides with regard to the other party. We have been taught to work through those backslides and try not to let it derail your forward movement in the R process. Well that's fine between the two of you, however the third party in this case works in the same company and yes we have had this same situation on this board as well. It may take time for him to just fade away, and I agree with your post he used her in her state of confusion, so this is what he gets for making that decision in his state of mind, which was I can take advantage of this woman in her state of confusion, he did not worry at the time what the fallout would be. I do commend your W for taking a strong stance with her company about working with OM. I would bet my next two paychecks that if you polled a hundred business owners about this situation and who he would choose, it would be hands down the one who makes him the money.
Oh and on a side note I just smiled when you brought up the naked man on the toilet, if I could draw boy would I draw one funny as* cartoon of that. Also we all come to this board and stay here because we have gotten something from this board that our therapist, friends, co-workers, what ever are not giving us. Thats why I still come on here.
