The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

Why does it seem that the pain is worse now than it was after BD? I think that maybe in the beginning I actually had some hope of R then and now I dont. I think that back then, I was convinced that H would realize what he was walking out on and not want to go. Now, Im convinced that he is well on his way down this path with OW, despite what he will lose. I know he is in a FOG but too many people tell me that he is never coming back. All our friends and family tell me...just move along and start your new life. No one realizes how HARD that is...

H came this morning to take kids to breakfast for his bday. I just stayed upstairs...didnt want to start my day by seeing him. Just too much for me and honestly, I am still hung up on him heading to OWs house to spend his birthday with her. My kids just seem to be placed in between his other plans...when its convenient for him.

H does NOT have a facebook, but his bro does and they went to a concert last night. There was a pic posted of the 2 of them together. I have to admit, H looked bad. He was smiling, but not is genuine smile...I dont know if Im saying this because I want him to not be happy, so that is what I see, or what...but he really looked kinda sad:(

I just will never know how he can tell me that he deeply cares about me and even goes as far as telling me that he loves me and also be in love with OW? Is it normal for H to still love his wife and family but not ever want to be with them again and want OW instead or are these feelings he is confessing to me just to pacify me since Im pregnant? I guess I will never know...

Another weekend to get through...God..give me strength...