There'll be no white flag above my door-not yet La

[scaredsilly]

hey bug, i've heard the same words from my H over the past 11 months.
"i'm not in love with you anymore", "i didn't want to hurt your feelings", "i didn't want to give you false hope".

i also got the memories that were devoid of all the good times we had and filled with exaggerated misery and outright falsehoods.

i kept trying to reason with H about all of this because it just didn't ring true.

nothing that i said or did worked. it came to a point where i was feeling better about myself and really knew i would be ok. i gave H a kind of deadline for deciding to move home or not. when that "deadline" came and he told me he was returning to his mother's (after i had been on a trip and he had stayed in our house), i KNEW i was done.

i knew i needed to move forward with MY life (vs. OURS) and start a new chapter that i really felt would be exciting. i was hopeful again. i did what you're doing; i told H not to contact me except for business or financial reasons. i went into my fb account and defriended him and anyone who was connetected to him (his sister, his friends) so he could not see my life. i put away all pictures of him in the house (LOL) so i did not see his face daily and could get over him.

i think he finally knew i was finished being TOYED with and punished.

two days later, i received a huge bouquet of flowers for our anniversary. i did not acknowledge. however, on that same day, our anniversary, he received from me a box with all the cards and notes he and his kids had given me over the past 15 years that said what a wonderful person i was. i was going to throw them all out because i was deadly serious about purging him from my life but i figured sending them to him would accomplish two objectives: it would show him he was lying about how awful i was and it would also show him i was not holding onto anything from my life with him.

now, he wants me back. plain and simple. he saw my "back" and he decided to give us a try at R.

it was not a ploy. it was real. i'm still not totally confident that we can be married but each hurdle i put before him (the most recent is to nicely tell him i'm finished raising his adult children and being overly involved with his family), he's managing to get over. (these hurdles are really "boundaries" which i should have had from the beginning and their absence contributed greatly to the breakup of our M, IMO)

i hope you're at the point i was. i hope you're ready to move on. whatever happens, if you are, you'll get what you want in life. i hope you're ready to look forward.


((((((((((Bug))))))))))