Creating your own Closure

[nero]

hey hi-

Why is saying that a 'stupendously rotten' thing to say?

i guess because i am not a "hate" kind of person- always thought it was a very bad thing to go down that road- with anyone. (catholic mother?) and yeah- i'd hate like hell in life (at any time) to EVER inspect this all and find i'd given up at any point before i absoluely thought i knew it was THE TIME. gOD! life, ego- control -

We don't feel "sure" right? And yet we long to feel "sure" of things again. To make choices we can live with and be happy about them as the "right" thing as we know it.

BINGO!! i swear i've been trying to lose the notions of "rite " & wrong" , good & bad, etc. i'm at least half out of the box .

s he a nice/smart/handsome guy? I dunno. You thought so at one point. But are you dealing with damaged goods? Or is he a snake and has been plotting this for years and years?

RITE NOW- i don't know. he's a bit damanged , didn't think it was a deal breaker. - maybe he's always had a "snake" side i never knew about - never even suspected. i've made it very easy for him to have it. honestly- i don't know.

If you're not connected, then why does it hurt? Are you a masochist? Or just patient?

i'd say he and I are "disconnected". I(on the other hand) am tremendously attached still- i can talk tough- my heart & gut miss my life & h. maybe i will forever-

masochist or patient- GOOD QUESTION? I've wondered myself - I can't make the call- maybe if i could - i'd feel sure. hey - wait- i can't let go of the fond memories of this man making me feel special for alllll those years - so i think i value being treated nicely - sooooo - i'm voting for too patient??? bbbbuzzzzz

i still THINK i am who i thought - I do not have a big sparkling- fancy image tho- i think other people find me too willing & accessible to be truly desireable. (men & women- everyone in general i mean) i might seem toooo "easy" -.

my guess is people like to have to work hard for someone to give them the time of day- then they think they really "have" something.

yeah i know- you're not really askin- you're "just sayin" - i sure hope you're rite and this stinking "test" helps us and doesn't just hurt us. would be a shame to do all this and still end up jerked up.

better go put away some lawn furniture & birdhouses. radio assures me my butt is going to get blown to kansas tomorrow- ohhhhhh toto

[nero]

dooooh nut.....

i have to reread that about 43 more times.

[Kimmerz]

Ok. I just have to throw this out here, because just when I think I've got a good handle on this MLC thing, XH does something weird.

I just find this odd, and well somewhat annoying, I guess he's just got air for brains now. I mean it's getting comical now, but it still makes me shake my head at the way he does things.

XH tells children LAST week that he will be taking one weeks vacation this up coming NEXT week to rest his body and bones because he's having back trouble and foot trouble. This is nothing new. He's had severe back, feet and leg trouble for years.

At the time he tells the girls of his vacation, He asks D9 when they want to spend the night during this week of vacation. She says she doesn't know. He asks D9 again today and D9 says wednesday and thursday.

I get a text from XH today and he tells me " Am off all next week for vacation not sure what 2 nights are best for the girls".

Well I decided, I was picking when they were going to stay because Im long overdue for going out with friends and having fun. So I replied " friday and saturday night". An hour later I get " sounds good".

Ok now....here's the deal. If he wanted a solid answer and decision, why didn't he just ask me in the first place? D9 tells him wednesday and thursday. He then tells me he doesn't know when a good time is as if he hasn't even discussed it with them, So then I say friday and saturday.

I mean even the girls are confused and annoyed. He still focuses itinerary's with D9 but won't discuss it with D13.

I know it's stupid that I even get annoyed with this.

[job]

Consider the source...his brain has holes in it like a sponge. He had an excuse to text you. They will find excuses to communicate w/you and yes, it can be annoying at times, especially when he's already be in contact w/your daughters.

[Kimmerz]

LOL....Ok Snodderly. I think I've got swiss cheese brain from every day stress!

See there I go again, trying to put logic into illogical!

I was kinda wondering if it was an excuse to contact me. Perhaps even see if I would suggest certain days the girls could stay so he could get an idea of what Im up to in life.

Well let him him wonder! I just might stay home alone and rent Magic Mike and eat pop corn!

Actually that sounds like alot of fun.

[Kimmerz]

You know, what I don't understand is why they just can't come right out and say what's on their mind, you know?

Like what is wrong with saying " I just wanted to say Hi and see how you're doing. I miss you and the family we used to have and like hearing from you".

I think I better follow my own advice and remember that ABNORMAL is our NEW NORMAL. Everything is a$$ backwards!

NORMAL people would say " hello, miss you how are you".

ABNORMAL PEOPLE ...... ask their kids one thing, then ask the XW another yet its on the same subject.

For crying out in the night.

[seeking answers]

Kimmerz,

I believe the MLCer won't come out and say or ask what's on their minds because they certainly aren't going to imply that maybe they made a mistake with their decisions and choices. They are very guarded about that.

My H has done the same type of things that you describe above. I've long believed a lot of the time it is just an excuse for contact. They have a hard time letting go, too.

[Soul.Searching]

Ack my H does that too. He won't hardly make contact than BAMB 20+ calls/ text in a day. Talk about mind games. Actually a few weeks ago H was really messing with my head. I sent him a picture message with the words " Treat me like a queen and I'll treat you like a king. Treat me like a game and I'll show you how it's played" lol not good DBing I know but I couldn't resist. He replied almost right away,... His response "I like that lol"
In think part of it is them still trying to feel in control.

You know when you have a new baby and your first learning what their different cries mean? And then you start getting glimpses of their personalities?
Yeah, I feel like I'm back there but with a big, strange man baby. Definitely not pleasant with a man baby.

Sorry I'm feeling a little loopy tonigh. Lol

[Kimmerz]

You know I guess regardless of all the enlightenment I've reached through all this, a big part of me is just absolutely done with this crap.

That's funny SeekingA..... Man baby! I like that! If that's not the the truth I don't know what is!

I think XH behaves like a childish A$$. Acting like Best friends when Ow isn't present? Texting me purposely when it's safe? Thrashing me verbally so bad that we have friends that won't even speak to me anymore, yet act like co-parent of the year and be ever so vigilant about any parenting concern I have? Yet a year ago when I tried to discuss our children's issues he wouldn't even speak to me not discuss it with me?

Excuses to make contact?

I just don't have the time nor interest in these mind games anymore! What is this, grade school? I don't care how much I learn about MLC but the fact that he's still the father of my children and his mood swings are still very emotionally taxing on me. Maybe I just need more time to get used to it all, but I think it's hard to get used to it all when you never know what mood they're going to pull on you!

never mind me! I pooped from work and a little irritated. I guess Im still undecided in what kind of relationship I want with XH. I mean I know what kind I want, but things are no different now than they were when we were married. His personality doesn't support the kind of mutual friendship that I need in my life and would value. Sorry, but it's like we're in High School. Guess he's too cool to associate with me so he's got to do it secretly.

I don't think so.

[LoisB]

I'm with ya Kimm---Puhleaaaaaze...how much more stupid moronic sophomoric immature childish cra-ola? Seriously, I'm so there with you. I'm sick of the games, and the denial and the running and the lost time and the insane, reckless behavior. Tired of this a$$hole playing with heart and breaking my heart. He doesn't have the guts to face himself--so why am I spending all this energy trying to mend things?

Just feel sick of it all tonight. Sick of the rollercoaster. What if we just out-grew them? What if they just don't have the balls to catch up?

I really need some athletic activity to unleash this anger. Walking isn't enough. I need to crush things. Namely him.

Heather