I think I see the picnic!

[Arsene]

There's always a silver lining. Way to go Vero!

[2chiquitos]

Thank you Arsene for stopping by.

Today I had no cell or land line cuz I am behind on the bill. Money problems. So H n I didn't talk all day which is odd because we talk a few times throughout the day. I got really confident and when he came home I said, "I'm a little shy about this but I wanted to tell you, I missed you today since we didn't talk all day." He agreed and I gave him a hug.

I had no expectations when I did this so I wasn't disappointed when he agreed. nice.

I guess he got confident too and said, "well since you're cell isn't working, I'll stop by after the gym to see if the kids are asleep." I gave him this look like, uh, yeah right! I didn't say anything then but when he did come over tonite I did express myself.

I said, "if you plan on coming over in the evening then you should plan on staying the night here once or twice a week. And if you plan on staying the night here then you are more secure of your decision as to whether you plan on coming back."

He was a little, mmmh uncomfortable let's say. Then I said, "I've been thinking a lot about our last R talk we had last week. I had said I wasn't certain about you coming back but now I feel confident enough to say that I do want you back home. I want to work on this."

More uncomfortable body language. I said, "we don't have to go into it now, but I wanted you to know how I feel."

H: uh ok.

I do feel confident. If it works out, great! If it doesn't, well it isn't much different than now.

So I must be having a great self esteem day because I feel good about expressing myself and I had no expectations. And I didn't get a response, which is better than a flat out HECK NO LADY!

[2chiquitos]

More R talk. It can be so emotionally draining.

I tried acting as if when he left but I couldn't hide it. He called to know what was wrong and I told him. I miss him and hate seeing him leave. I hate knowing he's here all the time but won't live here. That's why I can't have him over as often. If he wants to continue being here often, then it's because we are planning to reconcile.

He said he didn't want to comment on what I said last night. I caught him by surprise. I said I told him because I didn't want him showing up in the evenings or the mornings. I said, I try to wait for the appropriate time but this couldn't wait. He also said, "you don't know how much I appreciated going out with you on Tues and you didn't bring up any R talk"

He said, I make the mistake of assuming he is ok not living here. That there are things I assume about him that aren't true. He said he wants us to see eye to eye on how we will work on our relationship.

I'm putting all this to rest. I'm too drained to think about this anymore. Not tonite.

[Soul.Searching]

Sounds like good progress but now you have stated how you feel, I think you should take a step back and let him be the next one to initiate any relationship related conversations. You don't want him to feel smothered or pressured. Keep your chin up.

[mamabird]

it's draining, yes, but you are making great progress! You are talking about your R, working on your R. It seems clear to me that he's interested in at least trying to work it out, but also feeling self-protective right now, which is what's behind the hesitation. He's there every day, you're communicating every day. You took a big step by telling him how you felt. You were vulnerable with him and that is scary.

Keep at it Vero.

[2chiquitos]

Thank you Soul.Searching. I agree. I need to let him take the lead. I tend to be very controlling and impatient which is why I bring up R talk too often.

Thank you RegretfulLA. I have a very difficult time being vulnerable. When I am, I find myself pulling back or suddenly stating my boundaries. It's weird.

Journaling******

S4s surgery is coming up. It's scheduled for Nov. 14. Before D1, I would spend the night with him and H would come and relieve me so I could shower and relax a bit. The roles will be reversed since I will be home with D1 and H will spend the night with S4. I think H is looking forward to taking the lead on S4s care. This is a total change in our dynamic.

S4 will be in the hospital for 2-3 days and come home with a catheter for a week. Previously I had asked H to stay with us that week since I will be tending to 2 very needy kids alone. He had agreed (hesitating) back in Jan.

I haven't brought it up again and I don't want to. I don't want to bring it up and I don't want to encourage him to stay. I want it to be his call. Not mine.

I think that him staying for a week will be too nice and seeing him go at the end of the week will be heartbreaking for the 3 of us.

Now when D1 wakes up in the morning she looks out the window and says, Papa, papa, even though he rarely shows up in the morning anymore.

Any advice as to how to handle this?

[Soul.Searching]

I hope everything goes smoothly for your S. Times like that must be the hardest.
I have no idea how to handle the situation with your D, those moments are just heart breaking. I hope it all goes well.

[mamabird]

Will be thinking of S4 during his surgery. I have had several surgeries and it is no fun!

[labug]

Handle which part? D1 looking for Papa or S4's surgery?

[2chiquitos]

Thank you SS and RegretfulLA. I hate having S4 go through this but we've been putting it off for a year now. I get anxiety the week before and I'm starting to feel it. It's in 9days :-(

LaBug, I need advice on S4s surgery and having H spend the week of post-op.