I think he is just depressed and grieving and blaming me. However, I am tired of being blamed. Tired of settling for this angry nasty hateful person who seems so completely self absorbed.
Hi MKB! Yours is one a only a few thread I have found were the spouse has depression. I have skimmed over your first and last page to see that you h acts a lot like my depressed h.
In the begging you wrote the words above...yes he is grieving! He is in pain and h is blaming you, I'm sure to the point of unbelievable anger. Anger that your going to hurt yourself with more than him.
I speak from a lot of experience. My anger, and yes h still can pull it out of my with one word, was/is so intense that it became something h used to quicken himself, to draw from for a blast of ego drive energy.
You have been at this for a long time...try to let this time be/end the way that is ultimately best for you. Not h, not the kids, you are most important and the kids will follow. A happy mommy is all they want even if h is not there it's you they draw from.
My kids are old enough to verbalize there opinons and they say "leave him alone, it's his problem, GAL mom''!
They are self absorbed, and it's not going away any time soon. My h is peering out of the tunnel, but hell we can spend hours still talking all about him.
Bored to death, on the computer, peeing, eating all while he's rambling about his interests. Granted it gets worse when he's on his crutch, marijuana, but it's all him even sober.
I hope you can find some clarity, I am only on the very beginnings of doing that for myself and its crazy how a little bit goes a long way. My silence or disappearance has turned the tables on him leaving him wondering and seeking me out.
I hope you find some peace, were are on our own roads as well, you/we matter too!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
