You know even considering to take your life is the most selfish thing you could ever do. Yeah that'll take away the pain. Too bad it'll mess up your D and your family forever, but hey, you wouldn't care right?
Look, I get the pain you're going through. In the end you pushed through all that. That makes you strong and not weak. You're in the exact place where many DBer's find themselves once they get their spouses back after not having your needs met for so long.
Bottom line is that's what it comes down to. You can't alter the past. All you can do is state what you want from here on out. And saying you want death isn't an option. You want to feel wanted, to feel like you can trust again, to not feel insecure and afraid. I get it. Right now your H has to be the one to comfort you and to show that he's trustworthy. He needs to be kissing your @$$. It starts with you talking to him about it.
Next time you wonder if it's all worth it, look into they eyes of your D. Really look. And then tell me if she's not worth it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
