You're right on that, and I don't deny it. This is my issue.
So, I apologize for saying to f@ck DB. As I stated in my reply, it did work beautifully for my intended goal. Beautiful.
But because I chose to follow this program, I'm now in a very blurred area of life where I have "saved" my marriage, but now that I have (almost) all of the pieces to the puzzle, I'm beyond torn.
And this isn't about future relationships. You assume I want a future relationship. If this relationship were to really end, I'm probably going to end with it. I'm tired of the pain.
And I take full responsibility for the pain. I don't know how to get over it. I'm tired of paying for therapy, and pills, and books, and forcing it.
I should have just taken my life when I found the receipt for those condoms. Then I wouldn't have a daughter to feel guilty for leaving, and I wouldn't have a marriage to feel guilty for abandoning.
I'm infuriated by the area of grey I am now in because of my accomplished goals from DB. That I implemented. And I pushed.
So yeah, I'm sorry, I'll take responsibility. I didn't mean to sound like I was trying to get out of that.
And yes, I know I sound like a martyr. But I'm so f@cking tired of it all.
