hey hi- reading your posts. it's scary- but you sure sound like you're keeping it all together thru this wierd phase. wonder what will eventually happen.
i'm getting strength thru you - vicarious - fortification. liked your grip on small corner of sitch comment- it's like that, isn't it? i think in the crunch we can sometimes have a surprising font of strength in there to draw on. (sometimes i fold later- when it's okay to fold- but manage somehow to pull thru and "man up" for the giant challenge ) (well, things like someone's hospitalization or death- scary life and death stuff. time will tell about this love and d stuff). good luck and i think you have it in you to take control of it all. might begin by being forced to- i think you'll maybe be surprised at y0ur guts & gumption.
