I Cheated. She's Pissed!

[focusing-on-me]

I'm sorry but I disagree, You need to work on you. There is no good reason ever to cheat but you need to look at the "excuses" you created in your mind to justify cheating.
If you don't look at the things that contributed to you cheating in the past, then I don't think you will be able to not do it again.
You can't just push things under the rug and think that they won't creep back out.

I am completely with SS on this. We are all for a solution-based approach. We come here trying to look at our M and ourselves and we constantly ask WHY did we get here, how did our behavior contribute to the demise of our R. We constantly say we need to look within ourselves for our faults and try to become better people. If we don't ask WHY we do the things we do, how will we get there?

In my opinion just saying "I won't cheat again" is the shortest road to further cheating and by his own admission Focusing / Jeffodie is a repeat offender as well. Obviously something is going on with HIM that is making him cheat. He needs to understand what he is looking for, what emotional need he is trying to fulfill by doing so or what is he trying to escape from so he can fix the root problems within himself. Otherwise, it will happen again.

I am definitely working on me to understand why made me rationalize / justify my actions in that one moment. I meet with a counselor weekly and have opened up a lot to him about me and my background. I also have replayed in my head my particular "event" and I sit disgusted at myself for it.

I am certainly looking at the "why" I did it, but to my W, "why" I did it only sounds like excuses. I do not want that for her. That's why I am leaving her alone, giving her space. I text her back, help w/ my little boy, and am very helpful when she needs me. Last week she got a respiratory infection and could hardly function. I cam to the house, made diner for her, got her prescriptions, canceled my work and took my little boy all day. This is NOT out of the ordinary behavior for me. She told me that she missed how thoughtful I was. She gave a a light hug as I left the house, but I do not take it as "a sign" our R is improving. Last night we texted abt various stuff, but we NEVER text about our sitch or the R.
We go to couples C, but there's never progress, only a rehashing of what an untrustful bad person I am, which I totally validate. There's still a lot of anger and hurt on her part, and I do not blame her. She said she finds me physically attractive but the thought of being "physical" again made her want to vomit. I do not reach out to her, ever. I treat her with respect. I comment on how well she's doing and what a great mom she is despite the crap.
I know she's angry with me still because she mentioned that she did not want to share our boy for any holidays. She took him out of town for his first Halloween. Shes taking him again for T-giving and X-mas. I am not arguing w/ her but in the event of a D, on paper we will alternate holidays, but I do not mind being flexible year over year.