He showed up today and plowed the driveway with the fourwheeler. Then he came in and started cutting the dog's hair. He was here for several hours...taking breaks, laying on the couch watching tv and smoking cigarettes. I gave him some coffee which he took. Offered him some brownies..he refused. He said he would pick up stepson for school in morning... when he was cutting dog's hair I said we would have to get rid of dog..he said that decision did not have to be made yet.
But that is just because he is letting us stay in house until end of school year, I'm sure.
He looks sad. He looks depressed. He looks closed off from me.
I just kept my distance.
The phone rang several times. He was listening to every word I said while I was on the phone each time. I told him I was restarting bible study tomorrow and writer's group. He just stared at me..that's what the phone calls were..oh, he said. I also told him I was starting my meds again because I was tired of feeling depressed and tired of listening to other people about whether or not I should take them...I talked to the doc and we decided that I need them, so am taking them. I told him I was going to counseling, too, for myself and that I was going back to AA and had called my sponsor because I needed the meetings. He didn't say anything, just looked a bit surprised. Then I said, One of the things you have said is that I don't think for myself...well, I have to now and I think these are all necessary things for me to do. I need to take care of myself and my son. Again, he looked surprised.
He hung around a while longer watching basketball and taking his time trimming the dog's hair. Before he left, I asked if he could run me down to the store ...he said yes. We ran to the store quickly and as he was leaving I told him he could finish the dog in the morning if he wanted. He said he would do it another day...or that I could do it. I said I suppose and thanked him for the ride.
He said he'd be buy to get the garbage and take it to the dump before he went to work ...said he was leaving on Monday rather than Tuesday. Wants to get oil changed. I said fine.
Will see him in am when he picks up son for school. He is just being nice though. He is proceeding with paperwork full bore. Has plans to talk to his HR department about his 401k plan and pension and how that has to be split when he goes to work this time.
I have got to just move on with taking care of me and my son. I let him talk me into going off the meds and talking my doc into believing I didn't need them and I became a basketcase. Now, I am sure that without the meds...I can't function. So, I need to move forward and keep taking the meds.
