As with so many of these things, it's his problem if he can't let go. My H has done plenty of things that I have difficulty letting go of enough to lower my defenses to give us a second chance. That's a protective instinct, but I know it's something I have to let go of in order to have peace in myself. It's a burden that can easily be spun into an entire conspiracy theory if it gets out of control. Who would want the burden of a grudge that can never be settled? Who wants to live with all of that bitterness? Who wants to be the kind of person who has to blame others because can't own their mistakes?
Don't make his mistake and make yourself his victim. You did those things, and you're sorry and you can't change it, so move on. If he can't move on with you and enjoy the "now" then he's better left wallowing.
My H and I just started couples counseling. He let me have it about how my behavior hurt him so much that he had to divorce me. Of course, I'm mortified and ashamed and sad that I did something to hurt him, but that doesn't make the whole bad-R my fault.
Then there's another angle to consider. He actually has to go back seven years to find something to pin on you. If the best defense is a good offense, then that may be the best he can do to defend his actions. Poor guy.
