I was just thinking...maybe I'm in more control than I thought. He hasn't lived at home since June. He was still living overseas. Anyway, the time between June and Sept I was waiting for his decision. He didn't want to come home, said ILYBNILWY. He moved into an apartment and has pretty much been traveling most of the time he's been back. Ds and I haven't communicated with him in two weeks. Completely silent. He has not contacted us either.
I have YD at home, OD in college a couple hours away. We are VERY close. Anyway, after reading some posts, I am believing now that I can be in control. He did come over to the house to get his passport. I didn't give him a key to the house. It really surprised him and pissed him off. That decision was huge for me. I was doing everything to make him happy. Hoping it would make him want to come home. Not giving him a key wasn't making H happy at all!
I do know now that nothing I say is going to bring him home. He has to come home because he wants to. When he wants to.I realize now that I don't have to let him come home. I know this sounds silly to a lot of you, but for me to be in control of a relationship issue, is rare for me. Especially since we've been going thru all this mess.
I miss him terribly, but don't miss not talking to him right now. I'm interested to see what he does for thanksgiving. Our families don't know what's going on. My family spends the holiday with my brothers family. So, right now it's just me and my girls. H has no where to go. I bet he'll schedule another business trip to keep him gone. He just keeps running and hiding.
Anyway, I've been thinking more of my future and my Ds futures. As much as this hurts, I know that we have to move on. I'm not giving up, I'm just not hiding from reality anymore. I can choose what I do next.
We have a large house and a big yard to take care of. I'm tired of taking care of it. I have been doing it for most of two years now. I just came in from raking leaves. I don't want to even think about shoveling snow this winter! I have actually thought about finding a smaller place for my YD and I to move into after the holidays. The last thing my H said to me before he left on this last business trip, was to,"Don't go and sign any lease or anything like that." Pththththth!!! I have also contacted a lawyer about a consultation. I just want info and know what the girls and I will be entitled to if he doesn't come back. He has never asked for a D. He just talks about us working together and not hiring lawyers.
So, maybe this is a step for me. I'm in control of my own future and it may not be what he wants.
