H wanted to take stereo speaker in and get it fixed. I called the place (as I would for any friend) and I found out that they would be open late enough for us to go.
I called and told him. He said he didn't care and that speaker was not that important to him. He said YOU HAVE AN AGENDA and it's different from mine. Is this trip about grocery shopping and taking Dillon to Soldotna or not? I said yes, I just thought it was a good opportunity for us to spend a day together, too. I said I didn't have an agenda other than to get along with him. I felt we had rushed things and we needed to take things slow. I said I just wanted us to go and spend time together and have a nice time. Maybe we could see a movie?
He said no. Maybe he wouldn't even come. Then I said we will just go as friends, no pressure. He said fine. He would be here at 2:30.
I am screwing things up worse everytime I talk to him. He sounds so depressed and so hateful towards me. I have to stop talking to him on the phone.
I can't handle this. I can't take it. I know what I need to do, but I am falling apart.
I need to look my best, put on a good smile and try to make this work. I guess I have to accept that he wants a d and I don't. I have to validate his feelings and keep telling him mine when the opportunity arises...like I did before. If he mentions the d, then I will discuss it. Otherwise no D talk. I will say I know you want a d, but that doesn't mean I do. No more feelings talk. No more R talk. Just try to get along during time he spends with me.
