Quote: A male friend of mine from AA just called. He wants to take me and Dillon for pizza. He went through a divorce and drank over it. He's worried about me.
You KNOW that THAT sort of thing is called the 13th STEP. YOU have NO biz going out with a male from that program...unless of course subconsciously....you want to prove your H is right.
A male friend of mine from AA just called. He wants to take me and Dillon for pizza. He went through a divorce and drank over it. He's worried about me.
You KNOW that THAT sort of thing is called the 13th STEP. YOU have NO biz going out with a male from that program...unless of course subconsciously....you want to prove your H is right.
Who's your sponsor? call HER.
Hon, you are your own worse enemy! And you wonder why you wake up in a pile of crap! Have some pride here! And Don't be going out with a guy like that. (shaking my head)
if you want your R fixed, then do not go out with another man. My ex did this, while at the same time dating me. This has caused harm that I think may be unrepairable. Now because my ex would not commit to a mongamous R with me, and left me wondering, why am I staying home doing nothing but being miserable, I have found someone. Now ex knows about this and she is angry and resntful toward me. I guess I'm saying don't go out with man, no matter how innocent it may be, it may put the wrong ideas in your H's head.
Yep, he was trying to hit on me. I told him I would see him at meetings and that son and I would not be seeing him socially otherwise ever again.
Called H and told him about the whole thing. Told him how sad it made me feel to not be able to trust aa folks. H is still taking me shopping tomorrow. H is coming over at 3 to help take Christmas tree down and to go shopping. It's an hour and a half there and an hour and a half back. Son will get dropped off at his dad's house. Trip back will just be me and H.
H wanted to take stereo speaker in and get it fixed. I called the place (as I would for any friend) and I found out that they would be open late enough for us to go.
I called and told him. He said he didn't care and that speaker was not that important to him. He said YOU HAVE AN AGENDA and it's different from mine. Is this trip about grocery shopping and taking Dillon to Soldotna or not? I said yes, I just thought it was a good opportunity for us to spend a day together, too. I said I didn't have an agenda other than to get along with him. I felt we had rushed things and we needed to take things slow. I said I just wanted us to go and spend time together and have a nice time. Maybe we could see a movie?
He said no. Maybe he wouldn't even come. Then I said we will just go as friends, no pressure. He said fine. He would be here at 2:30.
I am screwing things up worse everytime I talk to him. He sounds so depressed and so hateful towards me. I have to stop talking to him on the phone.
I can't handle this. I can't take it. I know what I need to do, but I am falling apart.
I need to look my best, put on a good smile and try to make this work. I guess I have to accept that he wants a d and I don't. I have to validate his feelings and keep telling him mine when the opportunity arises...like I did before. If he mentions the d, then I will discuss it. Otherwise no D talk. I will say I know you want a d, but that doesn't mean I do. No more feelings talk. No more R talk. Just try to get along during time he spends with me.
What a grump! Hey, I didn't realize you were on Kenai Penninsula. I've spent some time over in Homer, where my bio-dad lives. It's the most beautiful place on earth. --z
Quote: I need to look my best, put on a good smile and try to make this work.
this thinking that YOU HAVE to make this work is going to put lots of pressure on YOU! It's a trap. You can't MAKE anything happen it is a choice he has to make. You can only put forth a beautiful, caring, considerate, friendly, positive thinking, encouraging woman.
Go on your trip with the mindset that you are simply going to enjoy your time with him. Don't think about the d, or your r, or what he's thinking....just let go and BE/HAVE fun!
Have fun...let go of the worries about your r for ONE day. Be kind, be considerate and giving....be the woman you WERE before your h came along to complicate things.
You can do this...take a deep breath and let go! Oh, and don't defend yourself...just agree with him that things are bad when he starts going down that 'you have an agenda' talk. No sense arguing with him cause he only thinks he's right.....right now!
You're putting way to much 'expectation' into this 'shopping trip'...to YOU it's more than a run to the store...it's an audition....to HIM, it's obviously becoming a painful commitment that he is beginning to regret having made because he KNOWS you DO have an agenda...and the 'shopping' isn't it.
If he shows up, think of him as a friendly cab driver, because if you try for more than that...it might be a long wait till he shows up to take you "shopping" again.
T2
I am moving to surviving the divorce. He has the papers almost all filled out. He is done. He is adament. I can't reach him. He is throwing up things I did when I was drinking six and seven years ago. He says he will no longer sacrifice his happiness for my stability.
I have to move on. It will be hard, but I have to face the fact that even though I am sober, he can not forgive the past. He says he has so much rage he can't explain it.
I can't leave piecing. This is where all my cyber friends are. What am I thinking?
I called mental health today and made a counseling appointment. Also am making dental appointments for son and I. Need to take care of health issues while we still have insurance.
I called my AA sponsor and am going back to meetings and am getting back on my meds. I went off the meds at his request.
It is time to start taking care of me and my son and stop trying to save this relationship. He doesn't want us.
